2 Best Snatch Monologues – Opening Monologue

Snatch

Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell p*ssy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old p*ssy, and have brought your two small mincey f*ggot balls along for a good old time. But you’ve got your parties mangled up. There’s no p*ssy here, just a dose that’ll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking,and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. The fact that you’ve got “Replica” written down the side of your gun. (withdraws his gun) And the fact that I’ve got “Desert Eagle point five O” written on the side of mine, should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now… F*ck off!

Snatch (Brick Top)

Category: Movie Role: Brick Top From: Snatch

You’re always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. … And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it’s no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies’ digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don’t want to go sievin’ through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, “as greedy as a pig”.