6 Best Will Ferrell Monologues

Welcome to Opening Monologue, your ultimate source for Will Ferrell monologues! We've gathered the most popular ones for you right here.

The Other Guys (Detective Allen Gamble)

The Other Guys (Detective Allen Gamble)

Category: Movie Role: Detective Allen Gamble From: The Other Guys

OK, first off: a lion? Swimming in the ocean? Lions don’t like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I’m assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you’ve wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We’ve talked to ourselves. We’ve communicated and said ‘You know what, lion tastes good, let’s go get some more lion’. We’ve developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring. … We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It’s not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get more oxygen, and then stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You’re outgunned and out-manned. … Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Ricky Bobby)

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (Ricky Bobby)

Category: Movie Role: Ricky Bobby From: Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby

Dear Lord Baby Jesus… or as our brothers in the South call you: ‘Hey-soose’. We thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family: my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And, of course, my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox, who if you would rate her ass on 100, it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, who’s got my back no matter what…Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife’s father Chip. We hope that you can use your Baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always botherin’ with it. Dear Tiny Infant Jesus…’

Starsky & Hutch (Big Earl)

Starsky & Hutch (Big Earl)

Category: Movie Role: Big Earl From: Starsky & Hutch

Oh, eureka. God, that’s nice. It’s like a little bowl of oatmeal with a hole in it. I got one too. I just got a little more brown sugar on mine. … I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s gonna get weird. … Two dragons.

Elf (Buddy Hobbs)

Elf (Buddy Hobbs)

Category: Movie Role: Buddy Hobbs From: Elf

First we’ll make snow angels for a two hours, then we’ll go ice skating, then we’ll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse Cookiedough as fast as we can, and then we’ll snuggle.