Brad Pitt Monologues

The Tree of Life (Mr. O’Brien)

I wanted to be loved cause I was great, a big man. Now, I’m nothing. Look. The glory around. Trees, birds. I dishonored it all and didn’t notice the glory. A foolish man. They’re closing the plant. I was given this choice: no job or transfer to a job nobody wants.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (Benjamin Button)

Sometimes we’re on a collision course, and we just don’t know it. Whether it’s by accident or by design, there’s not a thing we can do about it. A woman in Paris was on her way to go shopping, but she had forgotten her coat, went back to get it. When she had gotten her coat, the phone had rung, so she’d stopped to answer it, talked for a couple of minutes. While the woman was on the phone, Daisy was rehearsing for a performance at the Paris Opera House. And while she was rehearsing, the woman, off the phone now, had gone outside to get a taxi. Now, a taxi driver had dropped off a fare earlier and had stopped to get a cup of coffee. And all the while, Daisy was rehearsing. And this cab driver, who dropped off the earlier fare, who’d stopped to get the cup of coffee, had picked up the lady who was going to shopping, and had missed getting an earlier cab. The taxi had to stop for a man crossing the street, who had left for work five minutes later than he normally did, because he forgot to set off his alarm. While that man, late for work, was crossing the street, Daisy had finished rehearsing, and was taking a shower. And while Daisy was showering, the taxi was waiting outside a boutique for the woman to pick up a package, which hadn’t been wrapped yet, because the girl who was supposed to wrap it had broken up with her boyfriend the night before, and forgot. When the package was wrapped, the woman, who was back in the cab, was blocked by a delivery truck; all the while Daisy was getting dressed. The delivery truck pulled away and the taxi was able to move, while Daisy, the last to be dressed, waited for one of her friends, who had broken a shoelace. While the taxi was stopped, waiting for a traffic light, Daisy and her friend came out the back of the theater. And if only one thing had happened differently, if that shoelace hadn’t broken, or that delivery truck had moved moments earlier, or that package had been wrapped and ready, because the girl hadn’t broken up with her boyfriend, or that man had set his alarm and got up five minutes earlier, or that taxi driver hadn’t stopped for a cup of coffee, or that woman had remembered her coat, and got into an earlier cab, Daisy and her friend would’ve crossed the street, and the taxi would’ve driven by; but life being what it is – a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone’s control – that taxi did not go by, and that driver was momentarily distracted, and that taxi hit Daisy, and her leg was crushed.

Ocean’s Eleven (Rusty Ryan)

You look down, they know you’re lying and up, they know you don’t know the truth. Don’t use seven words when four will do. Don’t shift your weight, look always at your mark but don’t stare, be specific but not memorable, be funny but don’t make him laugh. He’s got to like you then forget you the moment you’ve left his side. And for God’s sake, whatever you do, don’t, under any circumstances…

Moneyball (Billy Beane)

The problem we’re trying to solve is that there are rich teams and there are poor teams. Then there’s fifty of crap, and then there’s us. It’s an unfair game. And now we’ve been gutted. We’re like organ donors for the rich. Boston’s taken our kidneys, Yankees have taken our heart. And you guys just sit around talking the same old “good body” nonsense like we’re selling jeans. Like we’re looking for Fabio. We’ve got to think differently. We are the last dog at the bowl. You see what happens to the runt of the litter? He dies.

Inglourious Basterds (First Lieutenant Aldo Raine)

My name is Lt. Aldo Raine and I’m putting together a special team, and I need me eight soldiers. Eight Jewish-American soldiers. Now, y’all might’ve heard rumors about the armada happening soon. Well, we’ll be leaving a little earlier. We’re gonna be dropped into France, dressed as civilians. And once we’re in enemy territory, as a bushwhackin’ guerrilla army, we’re gonna be doin’ one thing and one thing only… killin’ Nazis. Now, I don’t know about y’all, but I sure as hell didn’t come down from the goddamn Smoky Mountains, cross five thousand miles of water, fight my way through half of Sicily and jump out of a fuckin’ air-o-plane to teach the Nazis lessons in humanity. Nazi ain’t got no humanity. They’re the foot soldiers of a Jew-hatin’, mass murderin’ maniac and they need to be dee-stroyed. That’s why any and every every son of a bitch we find wearin’ a Nazi uniform, they’re gonna die. Now, I’m the direct descendant of the mountain man Jim Bridger. That means I got a little Injun in me. And our battle plan will be that of an Apache resistance. We will be cruel to the Germans, and through our cruelty they will know who we are. And they will find the evidence of our cruelty in the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the German won’t not be able to help themselves but to imagine the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives. And the German will be sickened by us, and the German will talk about us, and the German will fear us. And when the German closes their eyes at night and they’re tortured by their subconscious for the evil they have done, it will be with thoughts of us they are tortured with. Sound good? … That’s what I like to hear. But I got a word of warning for all you would-be warriors. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debit you owe me personally. Each and every man under my command owes me one hundred Nazi scalps. And I want my scalps. And all y’all will git me one hundred Nazi scalps, taken from the heads of one hundred dead Nazis. Or you will die tryin’.

Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (Louis de Pointe du Lac)

1791 was the year it happened. I was 24, younger than you are now. But times were different then, I was a man at that age: the master of a large plantation just south of New Orleans. I had lost my wife in childbirth, and she and the infant had been buried less than half a year. I would have been happy to join them. I couldn’t bear the pain of their loss. I longed to be released from it. I wanted to lose it all… my wealth, my estate, my sanity. Most of all, I longed for death. I know that now. I invited it. A release from the pain of living. My invitation was open to anyone. To the whore at my side. To the pimp that followed. But it was a vampire that accepted it.

12 Monkeys (Jeffrey Goines)

Right, right, right. Okay, okay. It’s all in good fun, all in good fun. Here’s some games here, and there’s, Get out! Get out! He was in my chair. Games, Games. Here’s some games. Games that want to get out, ha. See? More games. Games, they vegetize you. See? Bah! If you play the games you’re voluntarily taking a tranquilizer. I guess they gave you some chemical restraints, huh? Drugs! What’d they give you? Thorazine? Haldol? How much, how much?? Learn your drugs, know your dosages, it’s elementary. … Telephone call? That’s communication with the outside world. Doctors discretion. Uh-uh. Nah. Hey, if all these nuts could make just make phone calls, it would spread insanity oozing through telephone cables. Oozing to the ears of all these poor, sane people. Infecting them. Wackos everywhere, a plague of madness. In fact, very few Jim, Jim, very few of us here are actually mentally ill. I’m not saying you’re not mentally ill, for all I know you’re crazy as a loon. But that’s not why you’re here. That’s not why you’re here, that’s not why you’re here!! You’re here because of the system. There’s the television. It’s all right there. All right there. Look, listen, kneel, pray. Commercials. We’re not productive anymore. We don’t make things anymore. It’s all automated. What are we for then? We’re consumers. Yeah. Okay, okay, buy a lot of stuff, you’re a good citizen. But if you don’t buy a lot of stuff, if you don’t, what are you then I ask you? What? Mentally ill! Fact, Jim, fact. If you don’t buy things: toilet paper, new cars, computerized blenders, electric operated sexual devices, stereo systems with brain implanted headphones, screwdrivers with miniature built in radar devices, voice activated computers! … Right. That’s right. You’re a very attractive woman. Ha! So, uh, you want to watch a television show, you go to the charge nurse, you tell her the day, the time, the show you want to see. But you have to tell her before the show comes on. There was this guy, and he was always requesting shows that had already played. Yes! No! You have to tell her before. He couldn’t quite grasp the idea that the charge nurse couldn’t make it be yesterday, you can’t turn back time, thank you Einstein. Now he, he was nuts! He was a fruit cake Jim!