The Mask (The Mask)
Ssssssssssmokin!!!
4 Best Jim Carrey Monologues
Welcome to Opening Monologue, your ultimate source for Jim Carrey monologues! We've gathered the most popular ones for you right here.
How the Grinch Stole Christmas (The Grinch)
The nerve of those Whos. Inviting me down there – on such short notice! Even if I wanted to go my schedule wouldn’t allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me – I can’t cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing… I’m booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. … But what would I wear?!
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (Joel Barish)
Random Thoughts, for Valentines day, 2004. The day’s a holiday invented by greeting card companies, to make people feel like crap. I ditched work today. Took a train out to Montauk. I don’t know why. I’m not an impulsive person. I guess I just woke up in a funk this morning. I have to get my car fixed. “Hi Sydney? It’s Joel. Listen, I don’t feel very well today. No. Food poisoning I think.” It’s goddamned freezing on this beach! Montauk in February. Brilliant, Joel. … Pages are ripped out, don’t remember doing that. It appears this is my first entry in two years. Sand is overrated. It’s just tiny little rocks. If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that are somewhat diminished, seeing as I’m incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don’t know. Maybe I should get back together with Naomi. She was nice, nice is good. She loved me. Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?
Dumb and Dumber (Lloyd Christmas)
Mary? …. I desperately want to make love to a schoolboy. … No, no, no, I, huh. That’s not what I meant. Haha. Ummm. What I meant was uh … I like you Mary. I like you a lot. I want to ask you a question. Straight out. Flat out and I want you to give me a honest answer: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me, ending up together? … Hit me with it. Just give it to me straight. I came a long way just to see you Mary, least you could do is level with me. What are my chances? … You mean not good like one out of a hundred? … So you’re telling me there’s a chance? YeeEAH!!