4 Best Ted Elliott Monologues

Shrek (Shrek)

Shrek (Shrek)

Category: Movie Role: Shrek From: Shrek

Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love’s first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon’s keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love’s first kiss. … Like that’s ever gonna happen!

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Captain Barbossa)

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Captain Barbossa)

Category: Movie Role: Captain Barbossa From: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

This is Aztec gold. One of 882 identical pieces they delivered in a stone chest to Cortés himself. Blood money paid to stem the slaughter he wreaked upon them with his armies. But the greed of Cortés was insatiable. So the heathen gods placed upon the gold a terrible curse. Any mortal that removes but a single piece from that stone chest shall be punished for eternity. … Aye. That’s exactly what I thought when we were first told the tale. Buried on an island of dead what cannot be found, except for those who know where it is. … Find it, we did. There be the chest. Inside be the gold. And we took ’em all. We spent ’em and traded ’em and frittered ’em away on drink and food and pleasurable company. The more we gave ’em away, the more we came to realize the drink would not satisfy, food turned to ash in our mouths and all the pleasurable company in the world could not slake our lust. We are cursed men, Miss Turner. Compelled by greed, we were, but now we are consumed by it. … There is one way we can end our curse. All the scattered pieces of the Aztec gold must be restored and the blood repaid. Thanks to ye, we have the final piece. … That’s why there’s no sense to be killin’ ya, yet. Apple?… aaarrrgh. … I’m curious, after killin’ me what was it you plannin’ on doing next?… Look! The moonlight shows us for what we really are. We are not among the living and so we cannot die, but neither are we dead. For too long I’ve been parched of thirst and unable to quench it. Too long I’ve been starving to death and haven’t died. I feel nothing… not the wind on my face nor the spray of the sea, nor the warmth of a woman’s flesh. You best start believing in ghost stories Miss Turner. … You’re in one! … Hahahahaha! … What are ya looking at? Back to work!

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Captain Jack Sparrow)

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (Captain Jack Sparrow)

Category: Movie Role: Captain Jack Sparrow From: Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

The only rules that really matter are these: what a man can do and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept the fact that your father was a pirate and a good man or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that someday. And me, for example, I can let you drown, but I can’t bring this ship into Tortuga all by me onesies, savvy? So, can you sail under the command of a pirate, or can you not?

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (Elizabeth Swann)

Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End (Elizabeth Swann)

Category: Movie Role: Elizabeth Swann From: Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End

Then, what shall we die for? You will listen to me! Listen! The Brethren will still be looking here, to us, to the Black Pearl, to lead. And what will they see? Frightened bilge rats aboard a derelict ship? No. No, they will see free men and freedom! And what the enemy will see is the flash of our cannons. They will hear the ring of our swords, and they will know what we can do. By the sweat of our brows and the strength of our backs, and the courage of our hearts. Gentlemen. Hoist the colors!