You know I read a lot. Especially things that have to do with history. I find that shit fascinating. In fact, I don’t know if you know this or not, Sicilians were spawned by niggers. It’s a fact. Sicilians have black blood pumping through their hearts. If you don’t believe me, you can look it up. Hundreds and hundreds of years ago the Moors conquered Sicily. And Moors are niggers. Way back then, Sicilians were like the wops in northern Italy. They all had blonde hair and blue eyes. But, once the Moors moved in there, they changed the whole country. They did so much fucking with the Sicilian women, huh, that they changed the whole blood-line forever, that’s why blonde hair and blue eyes to black hair and dark skin. I find it absolutely amazing to think that to this day, hundreds of years later, Sicilians still carry that nigger gene. I’m quoting history. It’s written. It’s a fact. It’s written. Your ancestors were niggers. Your great, great, great, great, great-grandmother fucked a nigger, and she had a half-nigger kid. That is a fact. Now tell me, am I lyin’? Cuz you, you’re part eggplant.
Quentin Tarantino Monologues
Sicilians are great liars. The best in the world. I’m a Sicilian. And my old man was the world heavyweight champion of Sicilian liars. And from growing up with him I learned the pantomime. Now there are seventeen different things a guy can do when he lies to give himself away. A guy has seventeen pantomimes. A woman’s got twenty, but a guy’s got seventeen. And if you know them like you know your own face, they beat lie detectors to hell. What we got here is a little game of show and tell. You don’t want to show me nothing. But you’re telling me everything. I know you know where they are. So tell me, before I do some damage you won’t walk away from.
Let me tell you what “Like a Virgin'” is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song, it’s a metaphor for big dicks. Like a Virgin’s not about some sensitive girl who meets a nice fella. That’s what True Blue’s about. Now, granted, no argument about that…Let me tell you what Like a Virgin’s about. It’s all about this cooze who’s a regular fuck machine. I’m talkin’ morning, day, night, afternoon, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick… Then one day, she meets this John Holmes motherfucker, and it’s like, whoa baby. I mean, this cat is like Charles Bronson in “The Great Escape”. He’s digging tunnels. She’s getting this serious dick action and she’s feelin’ something she ain’t felt since forever. Pain. Pain. It hurts. It hurts her. It shouldn’t hurt her. You know, her pussy should be Bubble Yum by now, but when this cat fucks her, it hurts. It hurts just like it did the first time. You see, the pain is reminding a fuck machine what it was once like to be a virgin. Hence … Like a Virgin.
Uh uh, I don’t tip. No, I don’t believe in it. … Don’t give me that, if she don’t make enough money she can quit. … I don’t tip because society says I have to. All right, I mean I’ll tip if someone really deserves a tipping, if they really put forth the effort, I’ll give them something extra, but I mean this tipping automatically, it’s for the birds. I mean as far as I’m concerned they’re just doing their job. … She was okay. She wasn’t anything special. … Look I ordered coffee all right? Now we’ve been here a long fuckin’ time, she’s only filled my cup three times. When I order coffee I want it filled six times. … The words “too fuckin’ busy” shouldn’t be in a waitress’ vocabulary. … Jesus Christ, these ladies aren’t starving to death. They make minimum wage. I used to work minimum wage and when I did I wasn’t lucky enough to have a job that society deemed tip worthy. … You know what this is? It’s the world’s smallest violin playing just for the waitresses. … So is working at McDonald’s but you don’t feel the need to tip them do you? Well why not? They’re serving you food. But no, society says don’t tip these guys over here, but tip these guys over here. That’s bullshit. … Fuck all that. … I mean I’m very sorry the government taxes their tips. That’s fucked up. That ain’t my fault. I mean it would appear that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. I mean show a piece of paper that says the government shouldn’t do that, I’ll sign it, put it to a vote, I’ll vote for it, but what I won’t do is play ball. And this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fucking type, ’cause if you’re expecting me to help out with the rent you’re in for a big fucking surprise.
Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?
I ain’t saying it’s right. But you’re saying a foot massage don’t mean nothing, and I’m saying it does. Now look, I’ve given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something. We act like they don’t, but they do, and that’s what’s so fucking cool about them. There’s a sensuous thing going on where you don’t talk about it, but you know it, she knows it, fucking Marsellus knew it, and Antwone should have fucking better known better. I mean, that’s his fucking wife, man. He can’t be expected to have a sense of humor about that shit. You know what I’m saying?
Hello, little man. Boy, I sure heard a bunch about you. See, I was a good friend of your dad’s. We were in that Hanoi pit of hell together over five years. Hopefully, you’ll never have to experience this yourself, but when two men are in a situation like me and your Dad were, for as long as we were, you take on certain responsibilities of the other. If it had been me who had not made it, Major Coolidge would be talking right now to my son Jim. But the way it turned out is I’m talking to you, Butch. I got something for you.
There’s a passage I got memorized. Ezekiel 25:17. “The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of the darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy My brothers. And you will know I am the Lord when I lay My vengeance upon you.” Now… I been sayin’ that shit for years. And if you ever heard it, that meant your ass. You’d be dead right now. I never gave much thought to what it meant. I just thought it was a cold-blooded thing to say to a motherfucker before I popped a cap in his ass. But I saw some shit this mornin’ made me think twice. See, now I’m thinking: maybe it means you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here… he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of darkness. Or it could mean you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s evil and selfish. And I’d like that. But that shit ain’t the truth. The truth is you’re the weak. And I’m the tyranny of evil men. But I’m tryin’, Ringo. I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.
Oh, oh, you ready to blow? … Well I’m a mushroom cloud layin’ muthafucka, muthafucka. Everytime my fingers touch brain, I’m Superfly TNT, I’m the Guns of the Navarone. In fact, what the fuck am I doin’ in the back? You the muthafucka should be on brain detail. We’re fucking switchin’. I’m washin’ the windows and you pickin’ up this nigga’s skull.
Fox Force Five. Fox, as in we’re a bunch of foxy chicks. Force, as in we’re a force to be reckoned with. And five, as in there’s one, two, three, four, five of us. There was a blonde one, Sommerset O’Neal, she was a leader. The Japanese fox was a kung fu master. The black girl was a demolition expert. French fox’s speciality was sex. … Knives. The character I played, Raven McCoy, her background was she grew up raised by circus performers. According to the show, she was the deadliest woman in the world with a knife. And she knew a zillion old jokes her grandfather, an old vaudevillian, taught her. And if we would have got picked up, they would have worked in a gimmick where every show I would have told another joke. … Don’t you hate that? Uncomfortable silences.