3 Best Jack Monologues – Opening Monologue

The Importance of Being Earnest (Jack)

Category: Play Role: Jack From: The Importance of Being Earnest

Jack says

It pains me very much to have to speak frankly to you, Lady Bracknell, about your nephew, but the fact is that I do not approve at all of his moral character. I suspect him of being untruthful. I fear there can be no possible doubt about the matter. This afternoon during my temporary absence in London on an important question of romance, he obtained admission to my house means of the false pretence of being my brother. Under an assumed name he drank, I’ve just been informed my butler, an entire pint bottle of my Perrier-Jouet, Brut, ’89; wine I was specially reserving for myself. Continuing his disgraceful deception, he succeeded in the course of the afternoon in alienating the affections of my only ward. He subsequently stayed to tea, and devoured every single muffin. And what makes his conduct all the more heartless is, that he was perfectly well aware from the first that I have no brother, that I never had a brother, and that I don’t intend to have a brother, not even of any kind. I distinctly told him so myself yesterday afternoon.

The Jack And Jill Plays (Jack)

Category: Play Role: Jack From: The Jack And Jill Plays

Jack says

Thank you for coming. It’s been a whirlwind. Truly an honor. People ask me. They say, “Jack, how do you do it?” Well, today, I’m here to tell you all my secrets. I don’t want to say it’s easy to be me and to do all the things I’ve done. But with practice and persistence, you too can accomplish what I managed to accomplish in a few simple steps. But you have to believe in yourself. And you have to trust your worst instincts. How to find yourself in jail, Part 1: The Awakening. First maybe there is something in your life that you know you should’t do. This is maybe something you also really want to do. It might be physical violence or illegal drugs. It might be grand theft auto or bank robbery. Or maybe it’s stealing gnomes from people’s yards. So the first thing is that even though you know you shouldn’t do this, you do this thing. And then you do it again. And again. And again. Until you have like a lot of gnomes. Like a whole lot. Like someone might come over and see them and go, “Why do you have so many gnomes? What can someone even do with that many gnomes? Why would you do this.” And maybe there’s no easy answer. Except you know, the normal ones. Bad childhood. Hole inside you nothing will fill. Sexual deviancy. And then one day, you’re a little sloppy and someone sees you and recognizes you and then the cops are there asking questions. And you answer the questions truthfully because at the end of the day, you just want it to be over and as they say, light is the best disinfectant. I also like white vinegar because it’s non-toxic and I don’t mind the smell. So the cops are there with their guns and their badges and their serious faces and they ask you point blank. So you bring them out to the shed and they say, “Holy shit,” and then they take you for a ride. And that’s why I’m here. So. That. Is. How. But you may ask, “What next?” “What are your future plans now that this exciting project has come to an end?” and I have to admit, I don’t really know. I never thought that far.

It’s a relief and also, you know of course I don’t feel any better, at all. So… So …So. So. Sob.

Room (Jack)

Category: Movie Role: Jack From: Room

JACK: I”ve been in the world nineteen hours. I”ve seen pancakes and stairs and a cat and windows and hundreds of cars and birds and police and doctors and Grandma and Grandpa, and persons with different faces and bigness and smells talking all at the same time. The world”s like all TV planets on at the same time so I don”t know which what to look and listen. Doors and doors and behind all the door there”s another inside and another outside and things happen-happen-happening, it never stops. Plus the world”s always changing brightness and hotness and there”s invisible germs floating everywhere. When I was small I only knew small things but now I”m five I know everything.RelatedShareTweetPin