Monologues for teens

As a teen in high school, finding a solid monologue is no walk in the park. You want to make sure you find one that plays to your strengths and puts you in the best position to succeed.

Whether you’re looking to nail that audition or just better your craft, we’ve compiled the best list of monologues suitable for teens.

We constantly are updating this list, however, there might be others in our database that we’ve left out, so feel free to search at the top of this page by actor, film, or play. 

Quick tips for selecting a teen monologue:

  • Find a monologue that plays to your strengths
  • Find a monologue that suits the role you want
  • Find a monologue that WOW’s you the first time you read it

MIKE: You know, Stan, I feel sorry for you. (Mike speaks loudly now, playing to the cafeteria.) Oh but I do. All too well. You”re the man. Captain of the basketball team. Dates the pretty girls. High school is your kingdom. But, People, Stan”s a bully. Why? It would be way too easy to say Stan preys on the weak because he”s simply a dick. No, Stan”s more complex than that. According to leading psychiatrists Stan is a bully for 1 of 3 reasons. 1, under all that male bravado there”s an insecure little girl banging on the closet door trying to get out. 2, like a caveman, Stan”s brain is underdeveloped. Therefore Stan is unable to use self-control so he acts out aggressively. And the third reason – I”d argue that Stan suffers from all 3.

EM: That”s my stepmother. My mother died two years ago. My dad got remarried last year. (sneering at the photo) Her name is Francy. See that unholy abomination on her head? It”s a wig. She had some kind of nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her. Her hair fell out. I”d feel sorry for her if she wasn”t such a pathetic, status-obsessed witch.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

ERIC: This trip changed me, Brennan. It was revelatory. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next . . . the ruins, the cathedrals, the endless processions of art treasures. . . And I realized something. (beat) Screw the old world. I want the new world. And I want it now. Right now.I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

ERIC: This trip changed me, Brennan. It was revelatory. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next . . . the ruins, the cathedrals, the endless processions of art treasures. . . And I realized something. (beat) Screw the old world. I want the new world. And I want it now. Right now.I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

ERIC: You still thinking about graduate school? Total mistake. What do you need another degree for? Did Henry Miller need a degree? Or Samuel Beckett? Yeah, shut up, my point is – you don”t come from money. Graduate school”s gonna require massive loans. Three more years of school, then, what, a decade or two of paying them off?Why not blow your brains out now? Take some time to picture the narrative of your life. Needing it or wanting money is the fundamental trap of human kind. Look, I want you to know you”ll be with me in spirit this summer. Take this….From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Why not blow your brains out now? Take some time to picture the narrative of your life. Needing it or wanting money is the fundamental trap of human kind. Look, I want you to know you”ll be with me in spirit this summer. Take this….From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

PETE O”MALLEY: Hey, Lisa. We”re partners today. So, it”s official. My friend Boomer”s hooking me up a job at the Mercedes dealership on Jericho Turnpike. I”m totally psyched. I get a car right away. Way under list price, payments deducted from my check. I”m gonna go for a 560, convertible, in gold, with leather interior, all the options. I”m even gonna get a compact disc player. Gonna be insane. So, hey, Lise – you wanna go see Judas Priest at Nassau Coliseum? My friend Fitzy can get me floor seats.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

DEBBIE: You know, I had a pretty good time tonight. No, no, really. I really had a good time. I mean, you picked me up and we got some hard stuff and saw a hold-up, and then we went to the Canal, you got your car stolen, and then I got to watch you gettin” sick, and then you got in this bitchin” fight… I really had a good time. Anyway if you”re not doing anything tomorrow night, why don”t you come over? I got to go. Goodnight.More Monologues from “American Graffiti”

JOE: Listen, ah – Carl, I – Curt. Despite you scratching Gil”s car, I like you. And I know what you”d like more than anything right now. Like every guy in town, you got the same secret dream, right? Ya want to join the Pharaohs. Huh? You can admit it – you”d like to – but you never dreamed it could be possible, did you? Well, tonight, I”m goin” to give you your chance. Now you got three choices. One, you chicken out. In that case, I let Ants tie you to the car and drag you around a little bit. And you don”t want that, right? Two, you foul up and Holstein hears you and well, ah… you don”t want that, right? Three, you are successful and you join the Pharaohs with a carcoat, and the blood initiation and all that, huh?More Monologues from “American Graffiti”

LAURIE: You take me out? When we first met you didn”t have enough sense to take the garbage out… I asked you out, remember? Backwards Day – remember? If I had waited for you to ask me – even after that you didn”t call me for two weeks. You were scared. Dave Oboler told me. Then when you did ask me out you didn”t kiss me for three dates. I even asked my father why you hadn”t kissed me. He said he thought you were bright and you”d probably think of kissing me after a while. You didn”t, of course. I had to. Remember that picnic? Oh boy! You can”t remember anything – the first one, up at the lake. That was the first time you kissed me – I practically had to throw myself at you. (Laurie starts to cry, hating herself for it.) Go to hell.More Monologues from “American Graffiti”

TERRY: Oh yeah? I used to have a couple of horses myself. I used them for hunting. I do a lot of hunting. Deer mostly, although I got a couple of bear last year. Yep, they were good ponies – hunting ponies. I had to train “em special, you know. I had to sell “em. To get these wheels… and a jeep. I also have a jeep pick-up, with four-wheel drive. It”s got a gun rack. And I use that for hunting mostly.More Monologues from “American Graffiti”

AMANDA: Well… I mean I know why I started dating him. I just don”t know why I did it for so long. It”s just, at first it was all so unbelievable, you know? At my old junior high I was always just this little… nobody. Then I came to Huntingdon freshman year and Mike Dexter wanted to date me… and I was like suddenly Miss Popular and – I know it”s really lame, but… well, it felt really good. It was the first time I ever felt cool in my life. Please, it was the first time I ever had a boyfriend.And that”s the problem. I want more, and Mike”s still the same person now that he was then. Mooning the guy at the drive-thru window and giving the underclassmen wedgies… Though who says I even deserve more anyway, you know? I mean, I did stay with him for four years. If being friends with those people was so much more important than being… happy, then – well then I guess I”ve already gotten what I deserve.I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

And that”s the problem. I want more, and Mike”s still the same person now that he was then. Mooning the guy at the drive-thru window and giving the underclassmen wedgies… Though who says I even deserve more anyway, you know? I mean, I did stay with him for four years. If being friends with those people was so much more important than being… happy, then – well then I guess I”ve already gotten what I deserve.I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

DENISE: Oh my God. Listen to you: “I ain”t no phony.” Hey, you know what? There”s a mirror up there. Take a look – you”re white. Anyway, why do you care what I think of you? You haven”t spoken to me since sixth grade. I know exactly who you are. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to play “Bionic Man” with me in my basement. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to sleep over my house and needed to leave the hall light on all night. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to buy me a card every Valentine”s Day and a bag of those chalky hearts with the little words on them. And you”re Kenny Fisher who suddenly became too cool to hang with me once we hit junior high. Because I had glasses, because I was smart, and because I didn”t look good in those skimpy little bodysuit tops all the popular girls were wearing. And anyone who can ditch their best friend like that, in my opinion, is a big phony.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

GIRL WHOSE PARTY IT IS: My problem?! My PROBLEM??!! You people come in here, let my dog out, get drunk, run all over the fancy room, blast music, spill punch, break stuff, smear poop on the carpet – draw nipples on my mother, throw up in my pool, sniff drugs behind the poolhouse, get me 75 hours of community service and a five hundred dollar fine – THEN BREAK MY BATHROOM DOOR AND HAVE SEX IN THERE??I!! AND YOU WANNA KNOW MY PROBLEM??? I”LL TELL YOU MY PROBLEM!!! IT”S – -The DOG comes TROTTING IN, WAGGING his tail.TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

The DOG comes TROTTING IN, WAGGING his tail.TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

KENNY: I”ve got to have s – tonight. I mean, peep this. 92 percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. 92 percent! I figure since the whole class is going to the party, I should give all ladies an equal chance – you know whatuhm sayin”? It took me all day jus” to narrow it down to a list of ten finalists. I got a sophisticated ratings scale including Looks, Body, Reputation, Might-Owe-Me-A-Favor…Check this – – I am a finesse player, you know whatum sayin”? I am gonna Barry White my way into a woman”s heart. Observe – the Loooove Kit… (he pulls out a pink candle) That is a “Smell of Love” scented candle, bitch. And if either of you knew anything at all about seduction, you”d know that women go wild for little romantic gestures, such as scented candles.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Check this – – I am a finesse player, you know whatum sayin”? I am gonna Barry White my way into a woman”s heart. Observe – the Loooove Kit… (he pulls out a pink candle) That is a “Smell of Love” scented candle, bitch. And if either of you knew anything at all about seduction, you”d know that women go wild for little romantic gestures, such as scented candles.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

PRESTON: So, it turns out Amanda and I weren”t meant to be. Which, you know, sucks – but at least… well at least I finally know. And now it”s over. And who knows? Maybe nothing happens for a reason. Maybe that”s all bullshit. So now I can just go off and – meet somebody else. Somebody who really is right for me. And next time I won”t wait four years just to talk to her… On the other hand, maybe this was all some sort of hero”s trial, you know? Something to make me… come out a better person. “Cause in a way, I think I may have really learned something about myself. Look, I”m trying to make the best of it okay? Would”ve been cool to make out with her, though.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

PRESTON: You are not gonna believe what happened. Matt Wachinski just called me. He said Mike Dexter broke up with Amanda Beckett at graduation! Amanda Beckett”s not supposed to be single!This morning at graduation I told myself, move on. After four years of longing, she”s still with Mike Dexter, they”re never gonna break up, I should go on to college, meet someone who”s right for me, forget all about Amanda until I see her at our reunion and she”s all fat and Mike”s bald. And then I”d tell my wife, “See that girl? I was madly in love with her in high school.” And my wife says, “that girl, really?” and we”d have a good laugh about it and that”s it. The end. It”s over.The problem is that”s not what happened. Don”t you see? The planets have realigned and they”re like, waving me home! I mean, this party tonight might be my window of opportunity! Amanda Beckett is single.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

This morning at graduation I told myself, move on. After four years of longing, she”s still with Mike Dexter, they”re never gonna break up, I should go on to college, meet someone who”s right for me, forget all about Amanda until I see her at our reunion and she”s all fat and Mike”s bald. And then I”d tell my wife, “See that girl? I was madly in love with her in high school.” And my wife says, “that girl, really?” and we”d have a good laugh about it and that”s it. The end. It”s over.The problem is that”s not what happened. Don”t you see? The planets have realigned and they”re like, waving me home! I mean, this party tonight might be my window of opportunity! Amanda Beckett is single.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

The problem is that”s not what happened. Don”t you see? The planets have realigned and they”re like, waving me home! I mean, this party tonight might be my window of opportunity! Amanda Beckett is single.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

PRESTON: So, it turns out Amanda and I weren”t meant to be. Which, you know, sucks – but at least… well at least I finally know. And now it”s over. And who knows? Maybe nothing happens for a reason. Maybe that”s all bullshit. So now I can just go off and – meet somebody else. Somebody who really is right for me. And next time I won”t wait four years just to talk to her… On the other hand, maybe this was all some sort of hero”s trial, you know? Something to make me… come out a better person. “Cause in a way, I think I may have really learned something about myself. Look, I”m trying to make the best of it okay? Would”ve been cool to make out with her, though.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

PRESTON: It”s like if there really is one person out there for everybody, why wouldn”t you wait for just the right moment to tell them how you feel? And, if the two of you really are meant to be then you have to believe that that moment will come. And I think it has. Tonight. And I know that like, if I tried to tell Amanda all this in person it would never come out right and I”m always much better when I can write things down, so… This – this is everything I”ve been wanting to say to her for the past four years. Like how my heart stops every time I see her. And how her smile ranks up there as one of the most beautiful things in the world, you know?And I told her she deserves better Mike Dexter. I know she does. There”s so much more to her than that. I really want her to know it. And hey, it”s not like I”m thinking she”s gonna read this and run away with me to Vegas but… Well, if she”d even just give me a chance – just the slightest chance… then, who knows? We might really be happy.It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

And I told her she deserves better Mike Dexter. I know she does. There”s so much more to her than that. I really want her to know it. And hey, it”s not like I”m thinking she”s gonna read this and run away with me to Vegas but… Well, if she”d even just give me a chance – just the slightest chance… then, who knows? We might really be happy.It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

TRIP McNEELY: Seriously. Hey man, I thought college was gonna be the AM/PM of p -. I thought I”d be writin” more true -life letters to “Hustler” than I would term papers. Hell, that”s even why I broke up with Janine before I left. College women are totally different, bro. They”re all serious and s -, talking about world issues and economogical stuff. And they all wanna date older guys. Hell, I even tried getting Janine to take me back… but she”s all cozy with some Senior. He”s pre-med. They all are. Guys like us are a dime a dozen… (drinks) I”m tellin” ya, look out for that scrawny four-eyed kid who”s ass you used to kick just for fun. In three years he”ll be bangin” your girlfriend. Hey speakin” of which, you still with that Amanda? Now there was a prize piece if I ever saw one. You”re lucky. Hold on to her, man. Best advice I can give. That, and bring those rubber flip-flops for the shower.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

WILLIAM: Mike Dexter”s an a -. He”s a knuckle-dragging half-wit who”s been taking advantage of his physical superiority for too long… (building in intensity) But tonight he”ll finally know what it”s like to have everybody laughing at him. To face the scorn and ridicule of the entire student body. Tonight is the night we fight back! Tonight is… Independence Night! Hello?!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

RELLIAN: She wanted to be flushed down the toilet. Dad MADE her crazy. That”s why she killed herself. She wanted to leave. She didn”t want to live in the forest anymore. Dad is dangerous. Mom had psychotic episodes. She had hallucinations. Of smashing our heads in. With rocks. I heard them talking about it. You think you know everything. You think our lives are so great. You think Dad is perfect! Nana and Grandpa”s lives. They”re much better.Rell turns and races back toward the RV Camp.More Monologues from “Captain Fantastic”

Rell turns and races back toward the RV Camp.More Monologues from “Captain Fantastic”

CHER: Don”t sell yourself short, now you”ve got something going for you that no one else at Beverly has. I mean “mystery”. As far as everyone”s concerned you were the most popular girl in your school. Everyone”s curious, and the fact that you hang with De and me… You have to take advantage of this window of opportunity. Let”s see… who”s available? Brandon, Bronson… Oh! I got it! Elton”s single now. He just broke up with Valette. He was in debate with us. He did the in favor of animal testing speech. In fact, I noticed him scoping you out. Tscha! In fact, he said you gave him a toothache. It”s an expression. It means he thinks you”re sweet.More Monologues from “Clueless”

CHER: So, O.K., like the Haitians need to come to America but some people are all, “What about the sprain on our resources?” And it”s like, when I had this garden party for my father”s birthday and it”s all catered, you know, I said “R.S.V.P.” because it”s a sit down dinner. O.K.? People come that like, didn”t R.S.V.P.! And I”m buggin”. I have to haul ass to the kitchen, re-distribute the food and like squish in extra place-settings and people are on mismatched chairs and all. But by the end of the day it was like “the more, the merrier”. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen and re-arrange some things we could certainly party with Haitians. And in conclusion, may I remind you that it doesn”t say “R.S.V.P.” on the Statue of Liberty.More Monologues from “Clueless”

CHER: Don”t sell yourself short, now you”ve got something going for you that no one else at Beverly has. I mean “mystery”. As far as everyone”s concerned you were the most popular girl in your school. Everyone”s curious, and the fact that you hang with De and me… You have to take advantage of this window of opportunity. Let”s see… who”s available? Brandon, Bronson… Oh! I got it! Elton”s single now. He just broke up with Valette. He was in debate with us. He did the in favor of animal testing speech. In fact, I noticed him scoping you out. Tscha! In fact, he said you gave him a toothache. It”s an expression. It means he thinks you”re sweet.More Monologues from “Clueless”

CHER: My birthday”s in April. As someone who”s older can I give you some advice? I mean, I don”t want to sound all judgmental and all, but it”s one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, it”s quite another to be fried at school all day. The loadies generally hang in the stairwell over there. Sometimes they get to class and say bonehead things and we all laugh of course. But no respectable girl actually dates them. I don”t mean to be harsh, but you don”t want to start off on the wrong foot, do you? That”s Alana”s group over there. They all do the T.V. station and they think that”s the most important thing on earth… our school has its own channel throughout Beverly Hills… You like working on T.V. stations? Then forget them, they just hang by themselves… There”s the “Persian Mafia”, you can”t hang with them unless you own a B.M.W… And there”s the “Crew”. The choicest males at our school. If you make the decision to date a high school boy, those are the only acceptable ones. Hey, I”ve got a great idea! Let”s do a makeover!More Monologues from “Clueless”

TAI: I”m glad you”re here. There”s something I want to do and I”d like it if you were there with me. This is stupid junk that… reminded me of Elton that I thought I”d save forever. But now I want to burn it cause I am so over him. O.K. remember when we were at the Val party and the clog knocked me out and he got a towel of ice to cure me? Well, I didn”t tell you but I took the towel for a souvenir. Then once my pen ran out and I borrowed one from him. And remember the song playing when we danced? “Hip Hop Hurray”. I got the tape and listened to it every night. It”s like, once you know someone who is so much better than someone you think you liked then that someone starts seem like nuthin compared to the other one, ya know? Look, you”ve got to help me get Josh. You know what I mean… I tried to fight it but I just can”t. He”s the only guy I ever really cared about. I know it”s impossible, but you keep saying “Carpe Diem” and you”re so smart at this stuff. Anyway, I lost five pounds. I passed the driver”s test, I”ve been totally straight, I feel good about myself and like I deserve a guy I love. It”s all because of you. You”ve been such a good friend. College guys like less make up and he told me to read “Beyond Good And Evil” but it”s too confusing so I”ll get the Cliff”s notes.More Monologues from “Clueless”

TRAVIS: Thank you, thank-you. This is so unexpected. I didn”t even have a speech prepared… But I would like to say this… tardiness is not something you can do all on your own. Many, many people had to contribute. I”d like to thank my parents for never driving me to school and the L.A. bus drivers for taking a chance on an unknown kid and last, but not least, the wonderful crew at McDonald”s for the long hours they spend making Egg McMuffins, without which I might never be tardy. Thank you.More Monologues from “Clueless”

Robbie: You want to talk about The Scarlet Letter, Mrs. Thompson? Here you go: the “A” they”re both wearing – I think it stands for A -. Wanna know why? Because they”re in love, and love is for stupid A -S. So thanks for choosing this book, Mrs. Thompson, because this is what I need right now: to read a boring, confusing book about a bunch of stupid a -s who fell in love, like a -s, and then had to die, like a -s. I”m sorry for cursing.More Monologues from “Crazy, Stupid, Love”

ROBBIE: Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote in The Scarlet Letter: “No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true.” (Robbie puts down the paper, ignoring the jeers.) I am not bewildered! Jessica Riley is my soulmate. She”s the one! I know it to be true, and so now do the multitude. (correcting himself) Multitudes? (then, deciding) No, multitude. I have marked myself with this Scarlet J, Jessica! For you. Because your name starts with a J. It”s just tape and construction paper but one day I will get a permanent tattoo when I”m old enough that my parents won”t freak out on me.More Monologues from “Crazy, Stupid, Love”

BRANDON: Think about it. We can help each other out. You want to maintain this floozy facade, I don”t want to get my face pummeled in every day. It”s win-win-win-win. All it would take is one good imaginary bonk and you”d be saving the bone structure of my face. Think of how happy my parents would be.Come on, it wouldn”t have to be a bonk. It could be an imaginary nutter or a lemon squeeze or a cowbell… Dealer”s choice. I”ll pay you. I can pay you whatever you want. I insist. I can make it work. I promise.Olive, you don”t understand how hard it is. I”m tormented. Every day at that high school is like I”m being suffocated. And we can fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today. And it sucks. And there”s only one way out and you were smart enough to think of it. Please. Help me. I can”t take another day of this. I don”t know what the f – I”ll do.More Monologues from “Easy A”

Come on, it wouldn”t have to be a bonk. It could be an imaginary nutter or a lemon squeeze or a cowbell… Dealer”s choice. I”ll pay you. I can pay you whatever you want. I insist. I can make it work. I promise.Olive, you don”t understand how hard it is. I”m tormented. Every day at that high school is like I”m being suffocated. And we can fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today. And it sucks. And there”s only one way out and you were smart enough to think of it. Please. Help me. I can”t take another day of this. I don”t know what the f – I”ll do.More Monologues from “Easy A”

Olive, you don”t understand how hard it is. I”m tormented. Every day at that high school is like I”m being suffocated. And we can fantasize all we want about how things are going to be different one day, but this is today. And it sucks. And there”s only one way out and you were smart enough to think of it. Please. Help me. I can”t take another day of this. I don”t know what the f – I”ll do.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated. I used to be anonymous. A nothing. A nonentity. Google Earth couldn”t find me if I was dressed up as a ten story building. I know, pretty cutting edge stuff, huh? A high school girl feeling anonymous. Who am I? Why am I here? Do I matter? Blah blah snore. Don”t worry, this isn”t one of those tales. But it sure started off that way.Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this into evidence in the case against me. Because I”m being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert “like” and “totally” into my confession as much as possible. I will also end statements with a question mark?So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this into evidence in the case against me. Because I”m being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert “like” and “totally” into my confession as much as possible. I will also end statements with a question mark?So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: Is chivalry dead? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I want to ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. And I want Judd Nelson walking across the school parking lot thrusting his hand into the air “cause he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like a John Hughes movie. Sure everything starts out a mess but it always ends up great and hopeful and awesome with a big scene where the main character puts on a huge display of out-of-character-ness in front of the whole world and wins the day. But no. John Hughes didn”t direct my life. So I get to save two fifty on a bottle of Juniper Breeze Antibacteria Gel. Maybe chivalry isn”t dead, but it”s in a coma and the prognosis isn”t good.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: Like most families, mine has a deep dark secret. And since I”m spilling all this dirt, I might as well go ahead and confess it. Okay, here goes: My dad”s name is Dill and my mother”s name is Rosemary. They were so amused by this they decided to name all their children after edible items. My brother”s name is Kale and my sister”s name is Ginger. The Penderghasts are a veritable pantry.I know it”s weird, but at least they didn”t give us douchy hipster names like Bronx or Jezebel or Roman. I swear, you yell “Roman” in a playground these days, ten little rugrats look up at their unimaginative parents reading Us Weekly.More Monologues from “Easy A”

I know it”s weird, but at least they didn”t give us douchy hipster names like Bronx or Jezebel or Roman. I swear, you yell “Roman” in a playground these days, ten little rugrats look up at their unimaginative parents reading Us Weekly.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I think that”s how you”re supposed to start these things. I”m only going on what I”ve seen in the movies. Then I think I”m supposed to tell you how long it”s been since my last confession. But that”s kind of my first confession. I”m not Catholic. I really don”t know what I”m supposed to do, except sit here and tell you what I”ve done wrong. So here goes. (then) I”ve been pretending to be a – how would one phrase it in Catholic words? A harlot. It”s not like I”ve actually been doing the things that people are saying I”m doing, but then again, I”m not denying them, so I”ve just been wondering: is that wrong? There”s a lot of bad stuff going down at my school which may or may not be indirectly because of this masquerade. (then) I”m lying. You caught me. I may have caused the end of a marriage. In my own perverse way, I thought I could help it. In my defense, I might talk like an adult but I am merely an adolescent. I should never have even been propositioned in the way I was propositioned by an adult. But then again, I should never have consented. It was just that a lot of people had been asking me to do things and I thought it was okay, because it wasn”t real. It was make-believe and no one was getting hurt. But a lot of people hate me now. I kind of hate me, too.There”s a long silence. Olive tears up and wipes them away.I could be wrong, but aren”t you supposed to say something or ask me questions? Tell me to say ten Hail Mary”s, pay a fine, advance token to nearest Railroad? Hello?She peers through the screen. There”s no one there. Oh, f – me!More Monologues from “Easy A”

There”s a long silence. Olive tears up and wipes them away.I could be wrong, but aren”t you supposed to say something or ask me questions? Tell me to say ten Hail Mary”s, pay a fine, advance token to nearest Railroad? Hello?She peers through the screen. There”s no one there. Oh, f – me!More Monologues from “Easy A”

I could be wrong, but aren”t you supposed to say something or ask me questions? Tell me to say ten Hail Mary”s, pay a fine, advance token to nearest Railroad? Hello?She peers through the screen. There”s no one there. Oh, f – me!More Monologues from “Easy A”

She peers through the screen. There”s no one there. Oh, f – me!More Monologues from “Easy A”

Oh, f – me!More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: Excuse me? No offense, Brando, but maybe you could learn something from me. I”m just suggesting that maybe these kids we call peers have got the right idea. Maybe Bridget Schumacher isn”t as hippy-dippy as she pretends to be. Maybe that”s just the label she”s put on herself to avoid having to shave everywhere society deems normal. Or take Marianne Bryant. Maybe the whole stuck-up Jesus-freak thing is an act. Maybe she was sick of being just another faceless entity in a place and a time that reveres people for extremity?More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: I can”t think of anything better than getting to select your dinner and have nice conversation while they boil it alive in the back. Do you believe this whole thing about lobster being an aphrodisiac? You know, medical science has not substantiated claims that any particular food increases sexual desire or performance. Yet guys spend and spend to ply women with food they think is gonna get them lucky. I mean, what”s really sexy about slurping back oysters? Some people even eat ground up rhinoceros horn because it”s thought to enlarge the male sex organ. It”s all bullshit. And Spanish fly? It”s actually pulverized blister beetle. And it”s illegal in the US because if you take just a bit too much, it causes painful urination, fever and bloody discharge.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated. I used to be anonymous. A nothing. A nonentity. Google Earth couldn”t find me if I was dressed up as a ten story building. I know, pretty cutting edge stuff, huh? A high school girl feeling anonymous. Who am I? Why am I here? Do I matter? Blah blah snore. Don”t worry, this isn”t one of those tales. But it sure started off that way.Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this into evidence in the case against me. Because I”m being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert “like” and “totally” into my confession as much as possible. I will also end statements with a question mark?So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

Let the record show that I, Olive Penderghast, being of sound mind, ample breast size and the occasional corny knock knock joke, do enter this into evidence in the case against me. Because I”m being judged by a jury of my peers, I will attempt to insert “like” and “totally” into my confession as much as possible. I will also end statements with a question mark?So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

So here it goes… I confess I”m, in no small part, to blame for all the gossip that has turned my varsity letter scarlet. But – for any guy hoping that the sizzling details of my sordid past will inspire you to lock the bathroom door and “do it to it” with your sister”s moisturizing lotion – you”ll be gravely disappointed. Not to mention unsatisfied. And smelling like hibiscus.More Monologues from “Easy A”

OLIVE: Remember how I told you Google Earth couldn”t find me if I was a ten story building? Well, the next day it could”ve found me if I was dressed as a needle at a haystack convention. I was now the center of attention and it felt pretty damn good.If I”d known losing my virginity would”ve created such a new awesome persona for myself, I”d have lied about it back in eighth grade. Eighth grade sucked. I did get my first kiss back then, however. It was gross and kind of turned me off to the whole my-tongue-in-other-people”s-mouths thing. Not to mention the even-worse other-people”s-tongues-in-my-mouth thing. Seriously, who invented kissing and why do people want to do it so much? It”s not like that”s how we procreate. Back then I didn”t know that of course. If I”d known Woodchuck Todd was going to turn out so hot, I probably would have cherished the moment more.More Monologues from “Easy A”

If I”d known losing my virginity would”ve created such a new awesome persona for myself, I”d have lied about it back in eighth grade. Eighth grade sucked. I did get my first kiss back then, however. It was gross and kind of turned me off to the whole my-tongue-in-other-people”s-mouths thing. Not to mention the even-worse other-people”s-tongues-in-my-mouth thing. Seriously, who invented kissing and why do people want to do it so much? It”s not like that”s how we procreate. Back then I didn”t know that of course. If I”d known Woodchuck Todd was going to turn out so hot, I probably would have cherished the moment more.More Monologues from “Easy A”

PAUL: Dear God, thank You for all your blessings. You have given me so many things, like good health, nice parents, a nice truck, and what I”ve been told is a large penis, and I”m very grateful. But I sure am worried about Tammy. In my heart I still can”t believe she tore down my posters, but sometimes she does get so weird and angry. Please help her be a happier person, because she”s so smart and sensitive, and I love her. Also, I”m nervous about the election tomorrow, and I guess I want to win and all, but I know that”s totally up to You. You”ll decide who the best person is, and I”ll accept it. And forgive my sins, whatever they may be. Amen.More Monologues from “Election”

TRACY: Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with You and ask for things, but now I really must insist that You help me win the election tomorrow, because I deserve it and Paul Metzier doesn”t, as You well know. l realize that it was Your divine hand that disqualified Tammy, and now I”m asking that You go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong, so that I may carry out Your will on Earth as it is in Heaven. If elected I promise that I will pray more often. Okay? Amen.More Monologues from “Election”

TRACY: Wait – are you accusing me? You”re not serious. (indignant) I can”t… Mr. McAllister, we have worked together on SGA for three solid years and… I mean, I can”t believe it. I”m… I”m shocked!Mr. M., I am running on my qualifications. I would never need to resort to, you know, to vandalism like a, you know… Plus, my own best banner was torn down. Did I do that too?As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30. I just know they were there when I left. I”m giving you helpful information is all. You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.It could have been anybody. There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard. You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs. Or Doug Schenken – what about him? Or what about Tammy Metzier? Her whole thing is being anti-this and anti-that.More Monologues from “Election”

Mr. M., I am running on my qualifications. I would never need to resort to, you know, to vandalism like a, you know… Plus, my own best banner was torn down. Did I do that too?As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30. I just know they were there when I left. I”m giving you helpful information is all. You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.It could have been anybody. There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard. You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs. Or Doug Schenken – what about him? Or what about Tammy Metzier? Her whole thing is being anti-this and anti-that.More Monologues from “Election”

As you know, with all my responsibilities I often come in on the weekend and have permission to do so. But I left very early, around 6:30. I just know they were there when I left. I”m giving you helpful information is all. You know, instead of wasting time interrogating me, we should be out there trying to find out who did this.It could have been anybody. There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard. You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs. Or Doug Schenken – what about him? Or what about Tammy Metzier? Her whole thing is being anti-this and anti-that.More Monologues from “Election”

It could have been anybody. There are a lot of, you know, subversive elements around Millard. You know, like Rick Thieson and Kevin Speck and those burn-outs. Or Doug Schenken – what about him? Or what about Tammy Metzier? Her whole thing is being anti-this and anti-that.More Monologues from “Election”

TRACY: Dear Lord Jesus, I do not often speak with You and ask for things, but now I really must insist that You help me win the election tomorrow, because I deserve it and Paul Metzier doesn”t, as You well know. l realize that it was Your divine hand that disqualified Tammy, and now I”m asking that You go that one last mile and make sure to put me in office where I belong, so that I may carry out Your will on Earth as it is in Heaven. If elected I promise that I will pray more often. Okay? Amen.More Monologues from “Election”

HAYLEY: How hard do you think they”ll look for me? (She lets it sink in. Then continues) The police find a pedophile killer all gift-wrapped for them, you really think they”re gonna care who did their work for them? You think they”re even gonna bring it up?They never try girls as adults. Sexist but true. Plus I”ll have the biggest legal defense fund you ever saw. If everyone who”s ever been molested sends in just five dollars, I”ll be able to afford any lawyer I want. The worst, absolute worst case scenario? I do two years community service with psych evaluations, and Jodie Foster directs the movie version of the whole thing. (a beat) Who do you want to play you?*culled

They never try girls as adults. Sexist but true. Plus I”ll have the biggest legal defense fund you ever saw. If everyone who”s ever been molested sends in just five dollars, I”ll be able to afford any lawyer I want. The worst, absolute worst case scenario? I do two years community service with psych evaluations, and Jodie Foster directs the movie version of the whole thing. (a beat) Who do you want to play you?*culled

*culled

HEATHER CHANDLER: You were nothing before you met me! You were playing Barbies with Betty Finn! You were a Brownie, you were a Bluebird, you were a Girl Scout Cookie! I got you into a Remington Party! What”s my thanks? It”s on the hallway carpet. I get paid in puke! (totally in control) Monday morning, you”re history. I”ll tell everyone about tonight. Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerburg”s going to let you play their reindeer games.

SALLY BROWN: I was robbed! I spent the whole night waiting for the Great Pumpkin when I could have been out for tricks or treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! You blockhead! You kept me up all night waiting for the Great Pumpkin and all that came was a beagle! I didn”t get a chance to go out for tricks or treats! And it was all your fault! I”ll sue! What a fool I was. And could have had candy apples and gum! And cookies and money and all sorts of things! But no, I had to listen to you! You blockhead. What a fool I was. Trick or treats come only once a year. And I miss it by sitting in a pumpkin patch with a blockhead. You owe me restitution!More Charlie Brown Monologues

GRETCHEN: We only wear jeans or track pants on Friday. You can”t wear a tank top two days in a row. You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week. So, I guess, you picked today. And if you break any of these rules you can”t sit with us at lunch. I mean, not just you, any of us. Like, if I was wearing jeans today, I would be sitting over there with the art freaks.We always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. I mean, you wouldn”t buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. It”s the same with guys. You may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

We always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. I mean, you wouldn”t buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. It”s the same with guys. You may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

GRETCHEN: We only wear jeans or track pants on Friday. You can”t wear a tank top two days in a row. You can only wear your hair in a ponytail once a week. So, I guess, you picked today. And if you break any of these rules you can”t sit with us at lunch. I mean, not just you, any of us. Like, if I was wearing jeans today, I would be sitting over there with the art freaks.We always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. I mean, you wouldn”t buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. It”s the same with guys. You may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

We always vote before we ask someone to eat lunch with us, because you have to be considerate of the rest of the group. I mean, you wouldn”t buy a skirt without asking your friends first if it looks good on you. It”s the same with guys. You may think you like someone, but you could be wrong.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

GRETCHEN: I mean, if you even knew how mean she really is. You know I”m not allowed to wear hoop earrings, right? She told me two years ago that hoop earrings were “her thing” and I wasn”t allowed to wear them anymore. And then my parents got me a pair of really expensive white gold hoops for Hanukkah and I had to act like I didn”t like them. It was so sad. And you know she still cheats on Aaron. Every Thursday she hooks up with Shane Oman in the alcove behind the auditorium. And I never told anybody that cause I”m such a good friend!More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

REGINA: Why were you talking to Janis Ian? She”s so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. (as if this is shocking) I was best friends with her in middle school. I know, right? It”s so embarrassing, I don”t even… whatever. Then, in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend, Kyle, who was totally gorgeous but he moved to Indiana, and Janis was, like weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I blew her off to hang out with Kyle she would be like, “Why didn”t you call me back!?” And I would be, like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then my birthday was an all-girls pool party and I was like, I can”t invite you, Janis, because I think you”re a lesbian. I mean, I couldn”t have a lesbian there. Girls were going to be in their bathing suits. I mean, right? Then her mom called my mom and was, like, yelling at her. It was so retarded and then in the fall when we started high school all her hair was cut off and she was totally weird and now I think she does h -.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”

ANDREW: Do you guys know what, uh, what I did to get in here? I taped Larry Lester”s buns together. Yeah, you know him? Well then you know how hairy he is, right? Well, when they pulled the tape off, most of his hair came off and some, some skin too… And the bizarre thing is, is that I did it for my old man… I tortured this poor kid, because I wanted him to think that I was cool. He”s always going off about, you know, when he was in school… all the wild things he used to do. And I got the feeling that he was disappointed that I never cut loose on anyone, right… So, I”m… I”m sitting in the locker room, and I”m taping up my knee. And Larry”s undressing a couple lockers down from me. Yeah… he”s kinda… he”s kinda skinny, weak. And I started thinking about my father, and his attitude about weakness. And the next thing I knew, I uh, I jumped on top of him and started wailing on him… And my friends, they just laughed and cheered me on. And afterwards, when I was sittin” in Vernon”s office, all I could think about was Larry”s father. And Larry havin” to go home and… and explain what happened to him. And the humiliation… f -ing humiliation he mustuv felt. It mustuv been unreal…I mean… (he”s crying) I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There”s no way… it”s all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I f -ing hate him! He”s like this… he”s like this mindless machine that I can”t even relate to anymore… “Andrew, you”ve got to be number one! I won”t tolerate any losers in this family… Your intensity is for s -! Win. Win! WIN!!!” You son of a b -!You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give… and I wouldn”t be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me…More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

I mean… (he”s crying) I mean, how do you apologize for something like that? There”s no way… it”s all because of me and my old man. Oh God, I f -ing hate him! He”s like this… he”s like this mindless machine that I can”t even relate to anymore… “Andrew, you”ve got to be number one! I won”t tolerate any losers in this family… Your intensity is for s -! Win. Win! WIN!!!” You son of a b -!You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give… and I wouldn”t be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me…More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

You know, sometimes, I wish my knee would give… and I wouldn”t be able to wrestle anymore. And he could forget all about me…More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

BENDER: What do you care what I think, anyway? I don”t even count, right? I could disappear forever and it wouldn”t make any difference… I may as well not even exist at this school, remember? (he turns to Claire) And you… don”t like me anyway! God, you”re so pathetic! (furious) Don”t you ever… ever! Compare yourself to me! Okay? You got everything, and I got s -! F -in” Rapunzel, right? School would probably f -ing shut down if you didn”t show up! “Queenie isn”t here!”I like those earrings Claire. Are those real diamonds, Claire? I bet they are… did you work, for the money for those earrings? Or did your daddy buy those? (Claire starts crying.) I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner f -in” year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said “Hey! Smoke up Johnny!” Okay, so go home”n cry to your daddy, don”t cry here, okay?More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

I like those earrings Claire. Are those real diamonds, Claire? I bet they are… did you work, for the money for those earrings? Or did your daddy buy those? (Claire starts crying.) I bet he bought those for you! I bet those are a Christmas gift! Right? You know what I got for Christmas this year? It was a banner f -in” year at the old Bender family! I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said “Hey! Smoke up Johnny!” Okay, so go home”n cry to your daddy, don”t cry here, okay?More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

Brian: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you”re crazy for making us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain, and an athlete, and a basket case, a princess, and a criminal… Does that answer your question? Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

BRIAN: It”s like me, you know, with my grades… like, when I, when I step outside myself kinda, and when I, when I look in at myself, you know? And I see me and I don”t like what I see, I really don”t. “Cause I”m stupid… “cause I”m failing shop.See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um… and we had eight weeks to do it and we”re s”posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s”posed to go on… my light didn”t go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life… When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. “Cause I thought, I”ll take shop, it”ll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average… Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

See we had this assignment, to make this ceramic elephant, and um… and we had eight weeks to do it and we”re s”posed ta, and it was like a lamp, and when you pull the trunk the light was s”posed to go on… my light didn”t go on, I got a F on it. Never got a F in my life… When I signed up, you know, for the course I mean. I thought I was playing it real smart, you know. “Cause I thought, I”ll take shop, it”ll be such an easy way to maintain my grade point average… Have you seen some of the dopes that take shop?More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

CLAIRE: Oh, be honest, Andy… if Brian came walking up to you in the hall on Monday, what would you do? I mean picture this, you”re there with all the sports. I know exactly what you”d do, you”d say hi to him and when he left you”d cut him all up so your friends wouldn”t think you really liked him! “Cause I”m telling the truth, that makes me a b -? (to Bender) Okay, what about you, you hypocrite! Why don”t you take Allison to one of your heavy metal vomit parties? Or take Brian out to the parking lot at lunch to get high? What about Andy? For that matter, what about me? What would your friends say if we were walking down the hall together. They”d laugh their a – off and you”d probably tell them you were doing it with me so they”d forgive you for being seen with me. I hate you!More Monologues from “The Breakfast Club”

GUS: Hazel Grace, like so many before you – and I say this with great affection – you spent your Wish… moronically. Hush! I”m in the midst of a grand soliloquy here. You were young. Impressionable. The Grim Reaper staring you in the face. And the fear of dying with your one true Wish left ungranted led you to rush into making one you didn”t really want, for how could little Hazel Grace, having never read “An Imperial Affliction” ever know that her one TRUE wish was to visit Mr. Peter Van Houten in his Amsterdamian exile.If you were smart, you would have saved your wish til the time in your life when you really knew your true self. Good thing I saved mine. I”m not gonna give you my Wish or anything. But I too have an interest in meeting Peter Van Houten and it wouldn”t make much sense to meet him without the girl who introduced me to his book, now would it? I talked to the Genies and they”re in total agreement. (beat) We leave in a month.More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

If you were smart, you would have saved your wish til the time in your life when you really knew your true self. Good thing I saved mine. I”m not gonna give you my Wish or anything. But I too have an interest in meeting Peter Van Houten and it wouldn”t make much sense to meet him without the girl who introduced me to his book, now would it? I talked to the Genies and they”re in total agreement. (beat) We leave in a month.More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

HAZEL: I just wanna say… there will come a time when, you know, all of us are dead. It might be tomorrow. Might be a million years from now but… it”s gonna happen. And when it does, enough generations will come and go, there”ll be no one left to remember Cleopatra. Or Mozart. Or Muhammad Ali, let alone any of us. Oblivion”s inevitable, dude. And if that scares you, well, I suggest you ignore it. God knows it”s what everyone else does.More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

HAZEL: “Augustus Waters was the great starcrossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won”t be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. (beat) Like all real love stories – ours will die with us, as it should. I”d hoped that he”d be eulogizing me, because there”s no one I”d rather have…” (beat, composing herself) “I can”t talk about our love story so instead I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: there are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There”s .1 And .12 And .112 And an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. I want more numbers than I”m likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and for that I am eternally grateful. I love you.”More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

ISAAC: “Augustus Waters was a cocky son of a b -. But we forgive him. We forgive him… not because he had a heart as good as his real one sucked, or because of his superhuman handsomeness… Or because he got 18 years when he should have gotten more.” I”m assuming you”ve got some time, you interrupting b -! I mean seriously… (back to the speech) “Augustus Waters talked so much that he”d interrupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious. Sweet Jesus I never understood a word out of that kid”s mouth. I mean who talks like that?!”But I will say this: when the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to piss off, because I don”t even want to see a world without Augustus Waters. And then, of course, having made my point, I will put my robot eyes on because, I mean… robot eyes! So anyway, Augustus, my friend… Godspeed.” God d – it, Gus.More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

“But I will say this: when the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to piss off, because I don”t even want to see a world without Augustus Waters. And then, of course, having made my point, I will put my robot eyes on because, I mean… robot eyes! So anyway, Augustus, my friend… Godspeed.” God d – it, Gus.More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

JULIE: Hi. I”m Julie. 15. Hodgkin”s Lymphoma. It”s been an ok week I guess. I”ve been sleeping better. More energy. I don”t feel as sluggish as I used to. So far, everyone seems pleased with my results. But it”s hard, you know. My friends are at school, they have parties on weekends. I can”t help but feel I”m missing out. I should be grateful, I know that, I just… it”s hard, that”s all. It”s hard. More Monologues from “The Fault in Our Stars”

ALLIE: Do you remember sneaking over here the first time you told me about this place? I got home late that evening, and my parents were furious when I finally came in. I can still picture my daddy standing in the living room, my mother on the sofa, staring straight ahead. I swear, they looked as if a family member had died. That was the first time my parents knew I was serious about you, and my mother had a long talk with me later that night. She said to me, “Sometimes, our future is dictated by who we are, not what we want.” And I know it was wrong of her to keep your letters from me, but just try to understand. Once we left, she probably thought it would be easier for me to just let go. In her mind, she was trying to protect my feelings, and she probably thought the best way to do that was to hide the letters you sent. Not that any of it matters, now that I have Lon. He”s handsome, charming, successful. He”s kind to me, he makes me laugh, and I know he loves me in his own special way… but there”s always going to be something missing in our relationship – the kind of love we had that summer.More Monologues from “The Notebook”

ALLIE: I love to paint. Most of the time I have all these thoughts bouncing around my brain and no place to put them. But when I paint, I”m relaxed. I”m probably not even very good. But with a brush in my hand, I feel like myself, you know? Anyway, it”s a passion. You make me nervous, you know that? And don”t smile like the cat in the tree, because I don”t mean that kind of nervous, okay?More Monologues from “The Notebook”

ALLIE: (Allie puts two fingers together) We”re like this, remember? Right? This isn”t a summer thing. Not for me, anyway. Oh, hell. Why wait until summer ends? Why not do it right now? Go ahead. No, I”ll do it. It”s over between us. You hear me, Noah Calhoun? Over. Don”t touch me. I hate you, you know that? I hate you! Just leave. Get out. Go.Noah walks away from the house, disappearing into the moonlight. Allie calls out after him.Wait a minute, Noah. We”re not really breaking up forever, right? This is just a thing we”re having, a difference of opinion, and tomorrow it”ll be like it never happened, right? Because it still was kind of a special night for me…More Monologues from “The Notebook”

Noah walks away from the house, disappearing into the moonlight. Allie calls out after him.Wait a minute, Noah. We”re not really breaking up forever, right? This is just a thing we”re having, a difference of opinion, and tomorrow it”ll be like it never happened, right? Because it still was kind of a special night for me…More Monologues from “The Notebook”

Wait a minute, Noah. We”re not really breaking up forever, right? This is just a thing we”re having, a difference of opinion, and tomorrow it”ll be like it never happened, right? Because it still was kind of a special night for me…More Monologues from “The Notebook”

ALLIE: Do you remember sneaking over here the first time you told me about this place? I got home late that evening, and my parents were furious when I finally came in. I can still picture my daddy standing in the living room, my mother on the sofa, staring straight ahead. I swear, they looked as if a family member had died. That was the first time my parents knew I was serious about you, and my mother had a long talk with me later that night. She said to me, “Sometimes, our future is dictated by who we are, not what we want.” And I know it was wrong of her to keep your letters from me, but just try to understand. Once we left, she probably thought it would be easier for me to just let go. In her mind, she was trying to protect my feelings, and she probably thought the best way to do that was to hide the letters you sent. Not that any of it matters, now that I have Lon. He”s handsome, charming, successful. He”s kind to me, he makes me laugh, and I know he loves me in his own special way… but there”s always going to be something missing in our relationship – the kind of love we had that summer.More Monologues from “The Notebook”

ALLIE: Low class? Don”t you ever call him low class. He may not have any money, but he”s got more class than you and you and all of your stupid society friends put together! It”s not final for me. You can tell me how I have to dress, and what schools and social events I have to attend. (shouting, near tears) But you”re not going to tell me who I have to love! I know. He”s not what you want for me. He doesn”t fit. He doesn”t have any money or status, but I don”t care. Because he has a soul. And I love him from the tips of my toes with everything I have. He makes me prickle.More Monologues from “The Notebook”

PATRICK: Yeah, I”ve got one. Well, there was this one guy. Queer as a 3 dollar bill. Guy”s father didn”t know about his son. So, he comes down into the basement one night when he”s supposed to be out of town. Catches his son with another boy. So, he starts beating him. But not like the slap kind. Like the real kind. And the boyfriend says, “Stop. You”re killing him.” And the son just yells “Get out.” And eventually the boyfriend just did. (Patrick stops. Gripped by sad. He can”t shake.) Forget it. I”m free now, right? I could meet the love of my life any second now. Things will be different now, and that”s good. I just need to meet a good guy.*culled

*culled