Sam says
How to be alone. It’s really not that hard. You just don’t date anyone. And that makes it
easier to not accidentally get into a relationship which makes it easier to not move in with
anyone or marry them. I eat a lot of soup. I recommend that. I mean really you can
dress however you want. Shower or don’t. I used to go to the gym but I don’t do that
any more. Some days I only eat cookies. I like to read a lot. And watch a lot of TV.
And sometimes I drink tea. But you should do you. I mean that’s what it’s all about,
really. Being the person you want to be without caring about what other people think. I
have a job. I go to work. And I do my work and then I go home and then I do whatever I
want. So, really I’ve got it made.
Loneliness? Yeah. I mean. Sure. That can happen sometimes. I recommend alcohol. I
mean I guess I don’t recommend it, but I use it. What else? I have friends. I usually
shower before seeing them but it’s optional.
Also what you can do is pine after someone completely unattainable. I do that. I have
done that. I mean basically for years I’ve been doing that. What else? Did I mention
reading? I like YA Science Fiction and Fantasy but again, you do you.
Now I’m going to do a dance with a unicorn.
(A UNICORN enters. Music. SAM and the UNICORN dance. Then the dance is over.
The UNICORN exits. SAM turns to the audience.)
Any questions?