The Parent Trap Monologues

The Parent Trap (Annie)

ANNIE: Sprout”s used to strange women riding her. Not that you”re strange or anything. Actually, compared to the others, you seem relatively normal.You want the 411? The “information”… the lowdown on the other women. Can”t say that I blame you. I”d want to know if I was number twenty-eight… I mean… number twenty-nine in a man”s life. I didn”t start counting”til I was about four. God knows how many there were before then. It”s always the same routine… horseback riding through the vineyards… long romantic dinners with his special reserve label wine… moonlight swims… But I always say, it”s none of my business if a man his age wants to make a fool out of himself. Although, maybe he”s changed and you”re the real thing, Mer.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

You want the 411? The “information”… the lowdown on the other women. Can”t say that I blame you. I”d want to know if I was number twenty-eight… I mean… number twenty-nine in a man”s life. I didn”t start counting”til I was about four. God knows how many there were before then. It”s always the same routine… horseback riding through the vineyards… long romantic dinners with his special reserve label wine… moonlight swims… But I always say, it”s none of my business if a man his age wants to make a fool out of himself. Although, maybe he”s changed and you”re the real thing, Mer.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Elizabeth)

ELIZABETH: We met on the QE 2. The Queen Elizabeth 2. It”s an ocean liner that sails from London to New York. I was nervous about flying in those days, so was your father. (remembering back) We met our very first night on board the ship, actually. We were seated next to each other at dinner. He”s an American, you know. We kind of hit it off immediately. I knew you were going to ask me all these questions one day. You know this part of your personality reminds me of your father. (looking into Hallie”s eyes) Yes, we saw each other every night, every morning and every hour in between. Then one night, he popped the question, right there in the middle of the Atlantic.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Elizabeth)

ELIZABETH: I can handle seeing Nick Parker after all these years. People see their ex”s all the time, don”t they? Not to worry. I”ll take care of everything. Not-to-worry.I”m sorry, I can”t handle this. I haven”t seen or heard from Nick Parker in over eleven years and suddenly I”m flying halfway across the world to… I”m not mature enough for this. If the man didn”t make me so nuts, I”d still be married to him. We came up with this-arrangement so we”d never have to see each other again. Look at me, Martin, have you ever seen me like this? Don”t answer that. (pacing) What if he doesn”t recognize me? Be honest, Martin, how old do I look? No, don”t answer that either. Hey, what am I worried about? He could be fat or bald. Or both.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

I”m sorry, I can”t handle this. I haven”t seen or heard from Nick Parker in over eleven years and suddenly I”m flying halfway across the world to… I”m not mature enough for this. If the man didn”t make me so nuts, I”d still be married to him. We came up with this-arrangement so we”d never have to see each other again. Look at me, Martin, have you ever seen me like this? Don”t answer that. (pacing) What if he doesn”t recognize me? Be honest, Martin, how old do I look? No, don”t answer that either. Hey, what am I worried about? He could be fat or bald. Or both.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Hallie)

HALLIE: I have a brilliant beyond brilliant idea. I”m a genius. Annie, wake up, you”re related to a bona fide genius. You want to know what Dad is like, right? And I”m dying to know Mom. So what I”m thinking is … Oh man, this is so brilliant, it”s scary. I think we should switch places. When camp”s over, I leave as you and go back to London and you leave as me and go to California. (off Annie”s look) We can pull it off. We”re twins, aren”t we? I”ll teach you to be me and you teach me to be you. (gets on knees and begs) C”mon, I gotta meet my Mom. I told you I”m brilliant.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Meredith)

MEREDITH: Knock-knock. Can I join you? Guess the news of the engagement came as a bit of a shock, huh? You know, I remember what it was like to be eleven. I had my first beau at eleven. It”s a wonderful age. You”re starting to feel like a woman and believe it or not soon you”ll understand what it”s like to be in love.So what if I”m young and beautiful? That”s not a crime, you know. And for your information, I adore your father. He”s exactly-the kind of man I always planned on marrying. This is the real deal, honey and nothing you do is going to come between as. The reality is, angel, you are no longer the only girl in Nick Parker”s life. Get over it.I hope you”re not suggesting I”m marrying your father for his money. Now you listen and listen good. I”m marrying your father in two weeks whether you like it or not. So I suggest you do not tangle with me anymore. You”re in way over your head. Is that clear?More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

So what if I”m young and beautiful? That”s not a crime, you know. And for your information, I adore your father. He”s exactly-the kind of man I always planned on marrying. This is the real deal, honey and nothing you do is going to come between as. The reality is, angel, you are no longer the only girl in Nick Parker”s life. Get over it.I hope you”re not suggesting I”m marrying your father for his money. Now you listen and listen good. I”m marrying your father in two weeks whether you like it or not. So I suggest you do not tangle with me anymore. You”re in way over your head. Is that clear?More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

I hope you”re not suggesting I”m marrying your father for his money. Now you listen and listen good. I”m marrying your father in two weeks whether you like it or not. So I suggest you do not tangle with me anymore. You”re in way over your head. Is that clear?More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Annie)

ANNIE: Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this! Don”t you realize what”s happening?!? Don”t you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike and have the same birthday and… (putting it all together) Oh man, this is beyond coincidence, this is beyond imagination! I only have a mother, you only have a father… You”ve never seen your Mom, I”ve never seen my Dad. You have one old picture of your Mom, I have one old picture of my Dad but at least yours is probably a whole picture. This is so freaky.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Chessy)

CHESSY: Hal, it”s none of my business how your father makes a fool out of himself, you understand? He”s a big boy, he can do what he wants.Her name”s Meredith Blake. She”s a publicist from San Francisco. Your father hired her at the beginning of the summer to do some publicity for the vineyard and if you ask me, she”s done a better job selling herself than the grapes. Look, you and I know your Dad”s no suave debonair Bachelor of the Month type, so I wonder what a young hot thing like her sees in a guy who walks around with his shirt-tail hanging out and his cereal bowl full of chili. Then I realized, there”s a million reasons why that girl”s giggling and they”re all sitting in the Napa Valley Community Bank.But I”ll tell you one thing. This one could give Sharon Stone femme fatal lessons. She”s got your father eating out of the palm of her hand. They ride together, they swim together, they”re out to dinner every night. Not to mention she treats yours truly like the shlepper help” of all time which has really endeared her to me, as you can imagine. You go down and meet her and see for yourself. Don”t let me influence you.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

Her name”s Meredith Blake. She”s a publicist from San Francisco. Your father hired her at the beginning of the summer to do some publicity for the vineyard and if you ask me, she”s done a better job selling herself than the grapes. Look, you and I know your Dad”s no suave debonair Bachelor of the Month type, so I wonder what a young hot thing like her sees in a guy who walks around with his shirt-tail hanging out and his cereal bowl full of chili. Then I realized, there”s a million reasons why that girl”s giggling and they”re all sitting in the Napa Valley Community Bank.But I”ll tell you one thing. This one could give Sharon Stone femme fatal lessons. She”s got your father eating out of the palm of her hand. They ride together, they swim together, they”re out to dinner every night. Not to mention she treats yours truly like the shlepper help” of all time which has really endeared her to me, as you can imagine. You go down and meet her and see for yourself. Don”t let me influence you.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

But I”ll tell you one thing. This one could give Sharon Stone femme fatal lessons. She”s got your father eating out of the palm of her hand. They ride together, they swim together, they”re out to dinner every night. Not to mention she treats yours truly like the shlepper help” of all time which has really endeared her to me, as you can imagine. You go down and meet her and see for yourself. Don”t let me influence you.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Annie)

ANNIE: She”s a clothing designer. She designs the most beautiful wedding gowns. That”s her specialty. She”s becoming quite famous, actually. A Princess in Greece just bought one of her gowns.You know what”s interesting – neither of them ever got married again. Has your… my… our Dad ever been close to remarrying? Mom”s never come close either. You know what this means, don”t you? (leaning in) Secretly, in their innermost heart of hearts, they must still be in love with each other. That”s the way true love works. History”s filled with stories of lovers parted by some silly misunderstanding. Mom can be unbelievably stubborn when she wants to be.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

You know what”s interesting – neither of them ever got married again. Has your… my… our Dad ever been close to remarrying? Mom”s never come close either. You know what this means, don”t you? (leaning in) Secretly, in their innermost heart of hearts, they must still be in love with each other. That”s the way true love works. History”s filled with stories of lovers parted by some silly misunderstanding. Mom can be unbelievably stubborn when she wants to be.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Annie)

ANNIE: Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this! Don”t you realize what”s happening?!? Don”t you find it peculiar that we both look so much alike and have the same birthday and… (putting it all together) Oh man, this is beyond coincidence, this is beyond imagination! I only have a mother, you only have a father… You”ve never seen your Mom, I”ve never seen my Dad. You have one old picture of your Mom, I have one old picture of my Dad but at least yours is probably a whole picture. This is so freaky.More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”

The Parent Trap (Elizabeth)

ELIZABETH: Okay you two… How could you do this to me? Let me put this as succinctly as possible. You… (points to Hallie) I mean, (points to Annie) – One of you told me your father knew I was arriving here today… And I”m here to tell you the man I just saw in the elevator had absolutely no idea he and I were on the same planet, let alone in the same hotel. And it was completely and utterly humiliating. I gotta lie down… (flops down on sofa, resting her head on a pillow) The man went completely ashen. Like I was the bloody ghost of Christmas past. (rubs her head) Can one of you get me something cold for my head? Don”t you think I”ve pondered what it was going to be, like to see your father again after all these years? Well, let me tell you, me waving like a mindless idiot while Nick Parker is wrapped in another woman”s arms is not exactly the scenario I had in mind. No sireee… And furthermore and much worse, is the fact that I”ve been lied to by my own children and I”d like to know why. Girls! You were going to tell me why you lied and brought me here without telling your father!?!More Monologues from “The Parent Trap”