Welcome to Opening Monologue, your ultimate source for Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby monologues! We've gathered the most popular ones for you right here.
I like to picture Jesus in a Tuxedo T-shirt, ’cause it says, like, ‘I wanna be formal, but I’m here to party, too.’ I like to party, so I like my Jesus to party…. I like to think of Jesus like, with giant eagles’ wings and singin’ lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and I’m in the front row, and I’m hammered drunk…
Dear Lord Baby Jesus… or as our brothers in the South call you: ‘Hey-soose’. We thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family: my two beautiful, beautiful, handsome striking sons, Walker and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And, of course, my red hot smokin’ wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox, who if you would rate her ass on 100, it would easily be a 94. I also want to thank you for my best friend and teammate, Cal Naughton Jr, who’s got my back no matter what…Dear Lord Baby Jesus, we also thank you for my wife’s father Chip. We hope that you can use your Baby Jesus powers to heal him and his horrible leg. It smells terrible and the dogs are always botherin’ with it. Dear Tiny Infant Jesus…’