Magnolia Monologues

Magnolia (Burt Ramsey (Narrator))

In the New York Herald, November 26, year 1911, there is an account of the hanging of three men. They died for the murder of Sir Edmund William Godfrey, Husband, Father, Pharmacist and all around gentle-man resident of Greenberry Hill, London. He was murdered by three vagrants whose motive was simple robbery. They were identified as: Joseph Green, Stanley Berry and Daniel Hill. Green, Berry, Hill. And I Would Like To Think This Was Only A Matter Of Chance.

Magnolia (Frank T.J. Mackey)

Earl. You don’t look that bad. You prick. “Cocksucker.” That’s what you used to like to say, right? “Cocksucker.” But you are a cocksucker, Earl. It hurts, doesn’t it? Huh? You in a lot of pain? She was in a lot of pain. Right to the end, she was in a lot of pain. I know because I, I was there, Earl. You didn’t like illness, though, do you? I was there. She waited for your call. For you to come. I am not going to cry. I am not going to cry for you! You cocksucker, I know you can hear me. I want you to know that I hate your fucking guts. You can just fucking die, you fuck. And I hope it hurts, I fucking hope it hurts. Why didn’t you call? I fucking hate you. Goddamn you, you fucking asshole. Oh, God, you fucking asshole. Don’t go away, you fucking asshole! Oh, God, don’t go away, you fucking asshole!

Magnolia (Linda Partridge)

No, no, no, you see, I never loved him. I never loved him. Earl. When I met him, when I started, I met him, I fucked him and I married him because I wanted his money. You understand? I’m telling you this. I’ve never told anyone, I didn’t love him, but now, I know I’m in that will. I mean, we’re all there together. We made that fucking thing and all the money I’ll get. And I don’t want it, because I love him so much now. I’ve fallen in love with him now for real as he’s dying. I look at him, and he’s about to go, Alan. He’s moments. I took care of him through this, Alan. What now, then? I don’t want him to die. I didn’t love him when we met and I did so many bad things to him that he doesn’t know. Things that I want to confess to him, but now I do. I love him…. This isn’t any fucking medication talking! This isn’t. I don’t know, I don’t know. Can you give me nothing? You have power of attorney! Can you go, can you go in the final fucking moments and change the will? I don’t want any money. I couldn’t live with myself with this thing that I’ve done. I’ve done so many bad things. I fucked around. I fucking cheated on him. I fucking cheated on him, Alan! There. There. You’re his lawyer, our lawyer. I am his wife. We are married. I broke the contract of marriage. I fucked around on him many times. I sucked other men’s cocks.

Magnolia (“Quiz Kid” Donnie Smith)

I’m sick. I’m sicker now. I confuse melancholy with depression sometimes…. I’m sick. I’m sick and I’m in love. … That’s right. That’s the first time you’ve been right. I confuse the two and I don’t care. Hey! Hey! I love you! I love you and I’m sick. I’ll talk to you. I’m getting corrective oral surgery tomorrow. For my teeth. I love you Brad. Brad the bartender. You want to love me back? I’ll be good to you. I’ll be Goddamn good for you. I won’t be mad if you don’t notice I said what. Won’t punish you if you get the answer wrong. I can teach and tell you. … You shut up. Mind your own business. Brad I know you don’t love me now… You want to know the common element for the entire group?… I’ll tell you the answer: I’ll tell you, ’cause I had that one. I had that question… Carbon. Carbon. In pencil lead, it’s in the form of graphite and in coal, it’s mixed up with other impurities and in the diamond it’s in hard form. “Well… all we were asking was the common element, Donnie… but thank you for all that unnecessary knowledge… haha, kids! Heads so full of useless knowledge. Thank you. Thank you.” And the book says: “We may be through with the past… but the past is not through with us!” And… no, it is not dangerous to confuse children with angels!