Full Metal Jacket Monologues

Full Metal Jacket (Gunnery Sergeant Hartman)

Did your parents have any children that lived? I bet they regret that. You’re so ugly you could be a modern art masterpiece! What’s your name, fat body?Lawrence? Lawrence what, of Arabia? That name sounds like royalty. Are you royalty? Do you suck dicks? Bullshit. I’ll bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose. I don’t like the name Lawrence. Only faggots and sailors are called Lawrence. From now on, you’re Gomer Pyle. Do you think I’m cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I’m funny? Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face. Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!… Private Pyle, I’m gonna give you three seconds, exactly three fucking seconds to wipe that stupid-lookin’ grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull fuck you! One! Two! Three!…Bullshit, get on your knees, scumbag. Now choke yourself. Goddamn it, with my hand, numbnuts! Don’t pull my fuckin’ hand over there! I said choke yourself. Now lean forward and choke yourself. Are you through grinning?…Bullshit, I can’t hear you…Bullshit, I still can’t hear you. Sound off like you’ve got a pair…That’s enough. Get on your feet! Private Pyle, you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up.