Can't Hardly Wait Monologues

Cant Hardly Wait” (Preston)

PRESTON: It”s like if there really is one person out there for everybody, why wouldn”t you wait for just the right moment to tell them how you feel? And, if the two of you really are meant to be then you have to believe that that moment will come. And I think it has. Tonight. And I know that like, if I tried to tell Amanda all this in person it would never come out right and I”m always much better when I can write things down, so… This – this is everything I”ve been wanting to say to her for the past four years. Like how my heart stops every time I see her. And how her smile ranks up there as one of the most beautiful things in the world, you know?And I told her she deserves better Mike Dexter. I know she does. There”s so much more to her than that. I really want her to know it. And hey, it”s not like I”m thinking she”s gonna read this and run away with me to Vegas but… Well, if she”d even just give me a chance – just the slightest chance… then, who knows? We might really be happy.It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

And I told her she deserves better Mike Dexter. I know she does. There”s so much more to her than that. I really want her to know it. And hey, it”s not like I”m thinking she”s gonna read this and run away with me to Vegas but… Well, if she”d even just give me a chance – just the slightest chance… then, who knows? We might really be happy.It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

It”s good, isn”t it? I really think she”s gonna love it. And I think I”m ready to do this. It”s time. (a beat) Any words of encouragement?More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Trip McNeely)

TRIP McNEELY: Seriously. Hey man, I thought college was gonna be the AM/PM of p -. I thought I”d be writin” more true -life letters to “Hustler” than I would term papers. Hell, that”s even why I broke up with Janine before I left. College women are totally different, bro. They”re all serious and s -, talking about world issues and economogical stuff. And they all wanna date older guys. Hell, I even tried getting Janine to take me back… but she”s all cozy with some Senior. He”s pre-med. They all are. Guys like us are a dime a dozen… (drinks) I”m tellin” ya, look out for that scrawny four-eyed kid who”s ass you used to kick just for fun. In three years he”ll be bangin” your girlfriend. Hey speakin” of which, you still with that Amanda? Now there was a prize piece if I ever saw one. You”re lucky. Hold on to her, man. Best advice I can give. That, and bring those rubber flip-flops for the shower.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (William)

WILLIAM: Mike Dexter”s an a -. He”s a knuckle-dragging half-wit who”s been taking advantage of his physical superiority for too long… (building in intensity) But tonight he”ll finally know what it”s like to have everybody laughing at him. To face the scorn and ridicule of the entire student body. Tonight is the night we fight back! Tonight is… Independence Night! Hello?!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Preston)

PRESTON: So, it turns out Amanda and I weren”t meant to be. Which, you know, sucks – but at least… well at least I finally know. And now it”s over. And who knows? Maybe nothing happens for a reason. Maybe that”s all bullshit. So now I can just go off and – meet somebody else. Somebody who really is right for me. And next time I won”t wait four years just to talk to her… On the other hand, maybe this was all some sort of hero”s trial, you know? Something to make me… come out a better person. “Cause in a way, I think I may have really learned something about myself. Look, I”m trying to make the best of it okay? Would”ve been cool to make out with her, though.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Can’t Hardly Wait (Denise Fleming)

I know exactly who you are. You’re Kenny Fisher. We used to play Miami Vice in my basement. You used to sleepover at my house. You had to leave the hall light on every night. You’re Kenny Fisher who used to buy me a card every Valentine’s Day and a bag of those little hearts with the words on them. And you’re Kenny Fisher who suddenly got too cool to hang out with me when we hit junior high. Cause, I was in all the smart classes, and cause my parent’s didn’t make a lot of money. And cause you desperately needed to sit at the trendy table in the cafeteria.

Cant Hardly Wait” (Amanda)

AMANDA: Well… I mean I know why I started dating him. I just don”t know why I did it for so long. It”s just, at first it was all so unbelievable, you know? At my old junior high I was always just this little… nobody. Then I came to Huntingdon freshman year and Mike Dexter wanted to date me… and I was like suddenly Miss Popular and – I know it”s really lame, but… well, it felt really good. It was the first time I ever felt cool in my life. Please, it was the first time I ever had a boyfriend.And that”s the problem. I want more, and Mike”s still the same person now that he was then. Mooning the guy at the drive-thru window and giving the underclassmen wedgies… Though who says I even deserve more anyway, you know? I mean, I did stay with him for four years. If being friends with those people was so much more important than being… happy, then – well then I guess I”ve already gotten what I deserve.I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

And that”s the problem. I want more, and Mike”s still the same person now that he was then. Mooning the guy at the drive-thru window and giving the underclassmen wedgies… Though who says I even deserve more anyway, you know? I mean, I did stay with him for four years. If being friends with those people was so much more important than being… happy, then – well then I guess I”ve already gotten what I deserve.I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

I know what people think of me, okay? I mean, Mike”s a total d – and I am so guilty by association. And I really do wish things were different, I swear I do. I mean, I would love it if I thought there was somebody out there who hadn”t already formed an opinion of me based on how… based on who I”ve been. Somebody I could start again with. (she shrugs) But maybe there isn”t. Anybody.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Angel)

ANGEL: Don”t say that. And it”s not stupid. I know, “cause… Well… I – I”ve been where you are. I was sixteen. And I had the biggest thing for Scott Baio… And I mean, this was like, years in the running. I”m talking “Happy Days” era, “Joanie Loves Chachi.” God, I hated her. Joanie… And like, I was so sure that I was supposed to marry him… Mrs. Scott Baio. I was in his fan club, I wrote him all these letters – which I was way too embarrassed to send, by the way – but I was positive that like, no matter what, we”d find each other. Somehow. And it happened. Right after his first season of “Charles in Charge”, he was doing this mall tour. And he came here. To our mall. It was like it was… supposed to happen. So I went, you know. And I had this red bandanna for him – “cause you know, Chachi always wore a red bandanna – and I waited outside. Overnight. I was the first person there when he pulled up. And he got out of the car and, and it was like – (she”s getting teary) He was so beautiful, and, he looked right at me and… I didn”t know what to do. I couldn”t say anything. I couldn”t even move… I never even talked to him. I mean, he was right there. I was supposed to be with him. I still have that bandanna.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Denise)

DENISE: Oh my God. Listen to you: “I ain”t no phony.” Hey, you know what? There”s a mirror up there. Take a look – you”re white. Anyway, why do you care what I think of you? You haven”t spoken to me since sixth grade. I know exactly who you are. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to play “Bionic Man” with me in my basement. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to sleep over my house and needed to leave the hall light on all night. You”re Kenny Fisher who used to buy me a card every Valentine”s Day and a bag of those chalky hearts with the little words on them. And you”re Kenny Fisher who suddenly became too cool to hang with me once we hit junior high. Because I had glasses, because I was smart, and because I didn”t look good in those skimpy little bodysuit tops all the popular girls were wearing. And anyone who can ditch their best friend like that, in my opinion, is a big phony.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Girl Whose Party It Is)

GIRL WHOSE PARTY IT IS: My problem?! My PROBLEM??!! You people come in here, let my dog out, get drunk, run all over the fancy room, blast music, spill punch, break stuff, smear poop on the carpet – draw nipples on my mother, throw up in my pool, sniff drugs behind the poolhouse, get me 75 hours of community service and a five hundred dollar fine – THEN BREAK MY BATHROOM DOOR AND HAVE SEX IN THERE??I!! AND YOU WANNA KNOW MY PROBLEM??? I”LL TELL YOU MY PROBLEM!!! IT”S – -The DOG comes TROTTING IN, WAGGING his tail.TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

The DOG comes TROTTING IN, WAGGING his tail.TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

TOFU! Tofu, where were you?! You know you”re not supposed to leave the house! Bad dog! BAD! COME HERE! TOFU!More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Cant Hardly Wait” (Kenny)

KENNY: I”ve got to have s – tonight. I mean, peep this. 92 percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. 92 percent! I figure since the whole class is going to the party, I should give all ladies an equal chance – you know whatuhm sayin”? It took me all day jus” to narrow it down to a list of ten finalists. I got a sophisticated ratings scale including Looks, Body, Reputation, Might-Owe-Me-A-Favor…Check this – – I am a finesse player, you know whatum sayin”? I am gonna Barry White my way into a woman”s heart. Observe – the Loooove Kit… (he pulls out a pink candle) That is a “Smell of Love” scented candle, bitch. And if either of you knew anything at all about seduction, you”d know that women go wild for little romantic gestures, such as scented candles.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”

Check this – – I am a finesse player, you know whatum sayin”? I am gonna Barry White my way into a woman”s heart. Observe – the Loooove Kit… (he pulls out a pink candle) That is a “Smell of Love” scented candle, bitch. And if either of you knew anything at all about seduction, you”d know that women go wild for little romantic gestures, such as scented candles.More Monologues from “Can”t Hardly Wait”