Adventureland Monologues

Adventureland (Eric)

ERIC: You still thinking about graduate school? Total mistake. What do you need another degree for? Did Henry Miller need a degree? Or Samuel Beckett? Yeah, shut up, my point is – you don”t come from money. Graduate school”s gonna require massive loans. Three more years of school, then, what, a decade or two of paying them off?Why not blow your brains out now? Take some time to picture the narrative of your life. Needing it or wanting money is the fundamental trap of human kind. Look, I want you to know you”ll be with me in spirit this summer. Take this….From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Why not blow your brains out now? Take some time to picture the narrative of your life. Needing it or wanting money is the fundamental trap of human kind. Look, I want you to know you”ll be with me in spirit this summer. Take this….From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

From a coat pocket, Eric produces a baggie that contains several thin, poorly-rolled joints.Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Take it. You think you don”t like weed. You will. Brennan, you”ll be with me! In a few short months we”ll be in New York City. We”ll be living the adventure together!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (James)

JAMES: Um. We”re talking about intercourse? Well, okay, um… There were a few times that I could”ve done that. But none of those times were quite right. (defensive) There were circumstances. For instance, okay, junior year I dated this girl, Sue Hornick. Sue was kind of prude. One day, I was reading some Shakespeare and realized – I don”t really love this person… It was one of the sonnets. Y”know, about authentic love. I thought this isn”t it, I have to breakup. I went straight to Sue”s house and was literally about to tell her – and that”s the night she said she finally wanted to have sex. Can you believe it? That was the night!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Em)

EM: That”s my stepmother. My mother died two years ago. My dad got remarried last year. (sneering at the photo) Her name is Francy. See that unholy abomination on her head? It”s a wig. She had some kind of nervous breakdown when her first husband divorced her. Her hair fell out. I”d feel sorry for her if she wasn”t such a pathetic, status-obsessed witch.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Eric)

ERIC: This trip changed me, Brennan. It was revelatory. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next . . . the ruins, the cathedrals, the endless processions of art treasures. . . And I realized something. (beat) Screw the old world. I want the new world. And I want it now. Right now.I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (James)

JAMES: What can I get?! I”m not even qualified for manual labor. (reading down column) carpenter… dishwasher… mechanic… septic waste removal – they won”t even hire me. The only place I know I can get a job is where Frigo”s working. I”m “O” for twenty-two. I majored in comparative literature and Renaissance studies. Unless someone needs help restoring a fresco, I”m screwed!More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Joel)

JOEL: James. I”m not good-looking. And I”m poor. With all these yuppies around, women aren”t gonna go near a poor guy. I know you think you”re really deprived because you didn”t go to Europe this summer. But you went to a better school than me, you don”t have to pay rent to your parents, you”re going off to Columbia f -ing University. So, Margaret Mead, you”re stuck with us low-lifes for one summer, but you get to leave. I don”t even know if you even appreciate what you have?! I mean, you”re chasing after Lisa P.?! When Em”s right there! This incredible, beautiful person is right f -ing there! I mean, I can”t watch it… I can”t be around it anymore… That”s why I quit. I can”t be around you two anymore. I feel like a… hypocrite. F – this. F – everything.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Pete O”Malley)

PETE O”MALLEY: Hey, Lisa. We”re partners today. So, it”s official. My friend Boomer”s hooking me up a job at the Mercedes dealership on Jericho Turnpike. I”m totally psyched. I get a car right away. Way under list price, payments deducted from my check. I”m gonna go for a 560, convertible, in gold, with leather interior, all the options. I”m even gonna get a compact disc player. Gonna be insane. So, hey, Lise – you wanna go see Judas Priest at Nassau Coliseum? My friend Fitzy can get me floor seats.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Tired-Looking Guy)

TIRED-LOOKING GUY: If you have half a brain, the job”s easy. Unbearably, soul-crushingly dull. But easy. The night shift is f -ing awful. It”s a f -ing stake through your brain. But after one a.m., it pay”s double-time. Why else would I do it? Okay… (sorting some papers) F -… It”s amazing how many of these f -ing Ivy League grads can”t write a single coherent sentence. I read this stuff – – it”s like what a lunatic might write on an asylum wall with his turd. You sure you want this job? Okay. F – it. Let”s get started.More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (Eric)

ERIC: This trip changed me, Brennan. It was revelatory. There I was, going from one incredible city to the next . . . the ruins, the cathedrals, the endless processions of art treasures. . . And I realized something. (beat) Screw the old world. I want the new world. And I want it now. Right now.I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I saw myself, five, six years from now, still dicking around, trying to “find myself”. But these are the years we can”t waste, Brennan. We”re young, we”re vital. Now”s my moment and I”m taking it.I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

I”m going to Harvard Business. I”m in. Strings were pulled, wheels greased, destiny”s been set in motion.James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

James, forget about the naive, utopian crap we used to talk about. The world has changed. It”s winner take-all. The great minds, the great artists of our time are the entrepreneurs. Society”s their canvass. (leaning closer) You”re a smart guy, Brennan. If you remain passive, just bumble along like you always do, you”ll be on the sidelines. You”ll just be commenting on the people who are doing.So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

So, did you finally get laid this summer or what?More Monologues from “Adventureland”

Adventureland (James)

JAMES: What can I get?! I”m not even qualified for manual labor. (reading down column) carpenter… dishwasher… mechanic… septic waste removal – they won”t even hire me. The only place I know I can get a job is where Frigo”s working. I”m “O” for twenty-two. I majored in comparative literature and Renaissance studies. Unless someone needs help restoring a fresco, I”m screwed!More Monologues from “Adventureland”