40 Best Musical Monologues – Page 2 of 4

Most Paranoid (Skyler)

Category: Musical Role: Skyler From: Most Paranoid

SKYLER: A strange woman flies through your bedroom window and pours sugar down your throat until you clean your room … Mary Poppins is scary. Another twisted tale in a tangled catalog, created by child psychologists to drum-up business. Just the other night, I was dreaming in Imax that I was taking my SATs, and sitting next to me was Harriet Potter … long lost sister of Harry-Filling-in her multiple choice answers with a #02 wand. Suddenly my pencil breaks! Harriet -who looks like Daniel Radcliff in a weave, casts a spell -“Nostradamus!” -And just like that, a fresh new pencil magically appears in my hand, and- I have a new best friend! I finish my SATs before my extended time, walk up the aisle, gingerly place the exam on the desk and retire my magic pencil into the proctor”s “I Heart Hogwarts” coffee mug. And that”s when I noticed … I just signed the passport to my future … with a number three pencil. A number three! Curse you Harriet Potter and the prison of your own ambition! No sooner had I returned to my seat then an alarm went off accompanied by red flashing lights and the ominous whirl of Blackhawk helicopters. (Voices a copter sound and then, as a SWAT officer) “Put down the pencil!” Then flying Dementors whisked me to a secret chamber where they place people who defy the warnings not to remove tags from pillowcases. My cellmate? None other than She-Who”s-Name-Cannot-Be-Mentioned Three Times: Scary Poppins?! “Who asked you to return?! I gasped between hits of my inhaler: “You and your dysfunctional kite flying, umbrella … paragliding, penguin step-dancing. What is wrong with you, lady? Grow up! (casting her out) I unfriend you and Harriet!”Then I woke … to the gentle music of a breaking bus (makes sound) … day dreaming of a new bedtime story. One without a tangerine bear in a crop-top, or a purple dinosaur professing his love for me, or a home invasion by Goldilocks … or, or … frogs that turn into princes who act like toads after you”ve kissed them! And I will rescue a princess (or prince) who is neither Frozen, nor accompanied by a mutant snowman. Preferably someone calm. Whose high pitched singing does not attract Angry Birds that carry the West Nile Virus. And we will live happily ever after. In a bomb-shelter. With our number two pencils sans lead. And deforesting. And we will not answer the door on Halloween. If friends can trick you, why give strangers the option?RelatedShareTweetPin

Then I woke … to the gentle music of a breaking bus (makes sound) … day dreaming of a new bedtime story. One without a tangerine bear in a crop-top, or a purple dinosaur professing his love for me, or a home invasion by Goldilocks … or, or … frogs that turn into princes who act like toads after you”ve kissed them! And I will rescue a princess (or prince) who is neither Frozen, nor accompanied by a mutant snowman. Preferably someone calm. Whose high pitched singing does not attract Angry Birds that carry the West Nile Virus. And we will live happily ever after. In a bomb-shelter. With our number two pencils sans lead. And deforesting. And we will not answer the door on Halloween. If friends can trick you, why give strangers the option?RelatedShareTweetPin

Matilda, The Musical (Mr. Wormwood)

Category: Musical Role: Mr. Wormwood From: Matilda

MR. WORMWOOD: Everyone, gather round; I want my family to share of my triumph.One hundred and fifty five old bangers on my hands. All polished up, but the mileage on the clock telling the truth; that each one was… knackered. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn”t very well drive each one backwards could I?When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I ran into the workshop, grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse. A drill”s motor whirls backwards thousands of times a second and within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage on that old rust bucket to practically nothing. I did it to every single car!Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Great big nasty-faced apes, expensive suits, dark glasses; don”t know who they thought they were.RelatedShareTweetPin

One hundred and fifty five old bangers on my hands. All polished up, but the mileage on the clock telling the truth; that each one was… knackered. How could I possibly make the mileage go back? I couldn”t very well drive each one backwards could I?When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I ran into the workshop, grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse. A drill”s motor whirls backwards thousands of times a second and within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage on that old rust bucket to practically nothing. I did it to every single car!Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Great big nasty-faced apes, expensive suits, dark glasses; don”t know who they thought they were.RelatedShareTweetPin

When suddenly I had the most genius idea in the world! I ran into the workshop, grabbed a drill and, using my incredible mind, I attached the drill to the speedometer of the first car, turned it on and whacked it into reverse. A drill”s motor whirls backwards thousands of times a second and within a few minutes I had reduced the mileage on that old rust bucket to practically nothing. I did it to every single car!Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Great big nasty-faced apes, expensive suits, dark glasses; don”t know who they thought they were.RelatedShareTweetPin

Ten minutes later the Russians show up. Great big nasty-faced apes, expensive suits, dark glasses; don”t know who they thought they were.RelatedShareTweetPin

Mean Girls, the Musical (Regina)

Category: Musical Role: Regina From: Mean Girls

REGINA: I”m going to forgive you. Because I”m on a lot of pain medication right now. You know I died for fifteen seconds, right? Spoiler alert: heaven looks like a really nice hotel in Miami. When I woke up in the street, all I could see was my mom”s face and Gretchen”s big face looking down at me. And they looked so surprised. Not even sad, just like, surprised that I could be bleeding. Like they forgot I was a human person. I”ve actually been a human person this whole time. I know I was harsh. And people say I”m a b -. But you know what they would call me if I was a boy? “Reginald”. That”s what my mom was gonna name me if I was a boy, so honestly I”d rather be “b -“.More Monologues from “Mean Girls”RelatedShareTweetPin

Matilda, The Musical (Bruce)

Category: Musical Role: Bruce From: Matilda

BRUCE: Okay, look, alright, I stole the cake. And honestly I was really, definitely, sort of almost thinking about owning up… maybe? But the thing was I was having a lot of trouble with my belly. You see, the Trunchbull”s cake was so good that I”d scoffed it down too quick and now it was beginning to fight back.His belly rumbles.Ooops. See?Rumble. Bruce lets out a truly enormous burp, but really, really enormous, it goes on for ever. It hovers above him.It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

His belly rumbles.Ooops. See?Rumble. Bruce lets out a truly enormous burp, but really, really enormous, it goes on for ever. It hovers above him.It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

Ooops. See?Rumble. Bruce lets out a truly enormous burp, but really, really enormous, it goes on for ever. It hovers above him.It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

Rumble. Bruce lets out a truly enormous burp, but really, really enormous, it goes on for ever. It hovers above him.It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

It was the biggest burp I had ever done. It was the biggest burp I had ever heard, the biggest burp I had ever heard about. It was like the entire world went silent for that burp to exist, as a huge cloud of chocolaty gas wafted from my mouth and drifted… across the class…It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

It drifts across the class.Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

Past Lavender… Past Alice… Past Matilda…Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

Drifts past Matilda…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

…and then, my great big beautiful chocolaty burp, which now seemed to have a mind of its own, wafted full into the face of the Trunchbull.RelatedShareTweetPin

Matilda, The Musical (Matilda)

Category: Musical Role: Matilda From: Matilda

MATILDA: And so they prepared themselves for the most dangerous feat that had ever been performed. The great escapologist had to escape from the cage, lean out, catch his wife with one hand, grab a fire extinguisher with the other, and put out the flames on her specially designed dress within twelve seconds, before they reached the dynamite and blew his wife”s head off!The trick started well. The moment the specially designed dress was set alight the acrobat swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects – one second, two seconds – they watched as the flames crept up the dress – three seconds, four seconds – she began to reach out her arms towards the cage – five seconds, six seconds – suddenly the padlocks pinged open and the huge chains fell away – seven seconds, eight seconds – the door flung open and the escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and the child – nine seconds, ten seconds… eleven seconds -and he grabs her hand and, and, and suddenly the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.Maybe it was the thought of their child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam and suddenly their hands became slippy… and she fell.She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child. But the effort was too great. “Love our little girl” She said “Love our daughter with all your heart. She is all we ever wanted.” And then she died.And then… things got worse.RelatedShareTweetPin

The trick started well. The moment the specially designed dress was set alight the acrobat swung into the air. The crowd held their breath as she hurled over the sharks and spiky objects – one second, two seconds – they watched as the flames crept up the dress – three seconds, four seconds – she began to reach out her arms towards the cage – five seconds, six seconds – suddenly the padlocks pinged open and the huge chains fell away – seven seconds, eight seconds – the door flung open and the escapologist reached out one huge, muscled arm to catch his wife and the child – nine seconds, ten seconds… eleven seconds -and he grabs her hand and, and, and suddenly the flames are covered in foam before they can both be blown to pieces.Maybe it was the thought of their child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam and suddenly their hands became slippy… and she fell.She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child. But the effort was too great. “Love our little girl” She said “Love our daughter with all your heart. She is all we ever wanted.” And then she died.And then… things got worse.RelatedShareTweetPin

Maybe it was the thought of their child. Maybe it was nerves. But the escapologist used just a touch too much foam and suddenly their hands became slippy… and she fell.She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child. But the effort was too great. “Love our little girl” She said “Love our daughter with all your heart. She is all we ever wanted.” And then she died.And then… things got worse.RelatedShareTweetPin

She broke every bone in her body except the ones at the ends of her little fingers. She did manage to live long enough to have their child. But the effort was too great. “Love our little girl” She said “Love our daughter with all your heart. She is all we ever wanted.” And then she died.And then… things got worse.RelatedShareTweetPin

And then… things got worse.RelatedShareTweetPin

Hairspray (Link)

Category: Musical Role: Link From: Hairspray

LINK: Oh, Tracy, seeing you dragged off to jail brought me back to my senses. I thought I”d lose it when I thought I lost you. I couldn”t eat, I couldn”t sing. I couldn”t even concentrate. So I went down to the station to tell Mrs. Von Tussle I was through with the Miss Hairspray broadcast… When I got to the station I overheard Mrs. Von Tussle talking to Spritzer. Tracy, it”s Amber the talent scouts are coming to see. It had nothing to do with me. All this time I thought Amber and I were a team. She and her mother were just using me to make her look popular. I feel like such an idiot. (suddenly romantic) I know a palooka like me isn”t worthy of a ground breaking extremist like you, but… (he produces his ring) …It”s a little scuffed from Amber throwing it in my face when I told her I”d rather be with you. So, would you consider wearing my ring? “To lose thee were to lose myself.” Some kid named Milton wrote that in the third floor boys room.More Monologues from “Hairspray”RelatedShareTweetPin

Hairspray (Tracy)

Category: Musical Role: Tracy From: Hairspray

TRACY: No, I”ve got to turn myself in and go back to jail. I can”t put all of you in any more danger. We should”ve thought more before we broke out. My dad could lose the Har-de-Har Hut. And, Link, you could go to prison for what you did tonight… And Ms. Motormouth, we”ve just been on three channels of news, I don”t want you to get arrested for harboring a fugitive. And, Penny… your mother will kill you! This time it won”t be like Mother-Daughter Day again. Mrs. Von Tussle said there”ll be armed guards at the Eventorium. Someone could get shot. I just think it”s stupid we can”t all dance together.More Monologues from “Hairspray”RelatedShareTweetPin

Hairspray (Tracy)

Category: Musical Role: Tracy From: Hairspray

TRACY: Why do they have to be so mean? “You”re short, you”re stout, you”re not Council material.” I wear the latest fashions, I keep up with all the styles. I”m teasing my hair as high as I can! (She sprays her hair with hairspray) Will they give me a chance? Encouragement? Appreciation? No, all I ever hear is… Detention! Is there no pity for a teen just trying to fit in.More Monologues from “Hairspray”RelatedShareTweetPin

Hairspray (Velma)

Category: Musical Role: Velma From: Hairspray

VELMA: And we”re off! All right, people, how many times do I have to tell you – We do NOT touch ourselves – anywhere – while on camera. Tammy, lose the padding. You too, Fender. (the kids sheepishly turn away to remove their padding) And Link, stop hogging the camera; you”re not Elvis yet. Amber… Hog the camera. And YOU, Mr. Collins! None of that Detroit sound today. You have something against Connie Francis? They”re kids, Corny. That”s why we have to steer them in the white direction… I mean… you know what I mean. Ah, ah, ah! None of that! Save your personal lives for the camera! And we”re back in five… four… three…More Monologues from “Hairspray”RelatedShareTweetPin

Hairspray (Wilbur)

Category: Musical Role: Wilbur From: Hairspray

WILBUR: Tracy, this TV thing… You really want it? Then you go for it! This is America, babe. You gotta think big to be big. When I was your age my parents begged me to run away with the circus, but I said, “No. That”s what you want. I have dreams of my own.” I dreamt of opening a chain of joke shops worldwide. So, okay, I”ve still only got one, but some day, if I can figure out how to keep the air from leaking out of my sofa sized Whoopee Cushion, I”m going to make a noise heard “round the world! You follow your dream, baby. I”m grabbin” an Orange Crush and heading back down to the Har-Dee-Har Hut. I”ve got my dream… And I wuv it!More Monologues from “Hairspray”RelatedShareTweetPin