Mark Wahlberg Monologues

The Departed (Staff Sergeant Sean Dignam)

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let’s say you have no idea and leave it at that, okay? No idea. Zip. None. If you had an idea of what we do, we would not be good at what we do, now would we? We would be cunts. Are you calling us cunts? … Your fuckin’ family’s dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin’-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You’re upper-middle class during the weeks, then you’re droppin’ your “R”s and you’re hangin’ in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin’ donkey on the weekends. I got that right? … Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn’t you? You little fuckin’ snake. You were like different people. … Well, if I was I’d ask you why you’re a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund fuckin’ Freud I wouldn’t get an answer. So tell me, what’s a lace-curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties?…Hey asshole, he can’t help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I’m the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I’m gonna help you understand something, you punk. You’re no fuckin’ cop!

Boogie Nights (Dirk Diggler)

I’ve been around this block twice looking for something, a clue. I’ve been looking for clues and something led me back here, yeah, so here I am. Coulda been me who was at Ringo’s place when the shit went down. Hey, I know how it is cuz I been there. We’ve all done bad things. We all have those guilty feelings in our hearts, you want to take your brain out of your head and wash it and scrub it and make it clean, well no. But I’m gonna help you settle this. First we’re gonna check for holes, see what we can find, then we’re gonna get nice and wet, so you’re gonna spread your legs. That’s good, so you know me, you know my reputation? Thirteen inches is a tough load, I don’t treat you gently. That’s right: I’m Brock Landers. So I’m gonna be nice and I’m gonna ask you one more time. Where the fuck is Ringo? I’m a star, I’m a star, I’m a star. I’m a star. I’m a star, I’m a big bright shining star.